


At The Hands Of An Enemy

by TheAngelofFate



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Blind Kanan Jarrus, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Holocrons of Fate Aftermath, I think I have made my point that the relationship between Kanan and Ezra is a platonic one, Kanan is a space dad and nothing more to Ezra, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Maul is a dick, Physical Torture, Psychological Torture for Ezra, Space Dad and Blueberry, That is all he is here, Torture ahead, and possibly something else implied I haven't decided yet, wants nothing more then to hurt Kanan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-08-19 03:52:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8188559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAngelofFate/pseuds/TheAngelofFate
Summary: In the back of his head Kanan wondered just how did things get this bad? He asked himself that of all the people that he and Ezra could have been captured by that it had too— it just had to be Maul. It had to be Maul that was torturing them that was taking his aggression on Ezra and himself. When did everything go so wrong?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea just popped into my head and I decided to roll with it. I don't really know where I'm headed with this story but I am excited to find out!
> 
> Feedback is much appreciated

_"Now remember guys, you need to get enough resources to last us and all of the Phoenix Squadron for the next couple of months. That means double the food and fuel."_ Hera spoke out over the comm-link, her voice calm and collected even though her heart and head where at war with herself, they've been reckless these last couple missions, they needed to play this one as safe as they could. _"Sato said we can't continue to draw unnecessary attention to ourselves anymore, so keep it quiet and be_ _ **cautious**_ _."_

"Yes, ma'am." Four voices spoke in complete unison. To which Hera smile, she couldn't be more proud of her crew and all that they've accomplished. _"Kanan, I'm counting on you."_

"Don't worry, Hera. We'll be back soon." Kanan said his tone completely serious and without any fear. "Spectre 5, you'll be our look out. Spectre 4 and 7, you two will be with Spectre 6 and I, we need to get an equal amount of food and fuel for everyone on the Fleet. Everyone copy?"

"Roger!" Ezra, Sabine, and Zeb said together.

"Let's move out." They all took off in different directions. Kanan watched as Sabine perched herself on the high place while he, Ezra and Zeb hide within a blind spot between the enemies sight. "Talk to me Spectre 5, how's our cover?"

"I've got three Troopers on the left field, five Battle Droids and seven Droidekas smack in the middle, plus two Walkers on the outer rim."

Kanan took a deep breathe and cleared his mind, adjusting the mask on his face he turned around. "Alright. We need to take out the Droidekas first, I remember those things and they were nasty when it came to destroying them when their shields are active. Once we take them out we can focus on the Battle Droids and Troopers last."

"So how do we take them out?" Ezra asked curiously as he came up behind Kanan to get a better look.

"The Jedi and Clones found different ways to destroy Droidekas back in my day." Rex stated crossing his arms. "The most effective way was to throw Electro Magnetic Pulse grenades to short circuit the systems."

 _"Well then you guys should be glad that exactly what I gave you guys before we landed, huh?"_ Sabine said over the comm-link, matter-of-factly.

"You always come prepared, Spectre 5. Thank you for that." Kanan replied to the young Mandalorian, as he took out their EMT's. "Rex, how many do we need?"

"Hmm." Rex hummed in thought. "Well, if we want to do this fast and easy we could combined all eight of ours and take out the Droidekas and the Battle Driods all at once."

Kanan nodded, that seem like the most logical way to get this mission done and still be cautious. "Then that's what we'll do." He confirmed, handing the EMT's to Ezra, Rex and Zeb. "Ready? 1, 2, 3!" They activated the grenades and threw them all at once towards the Battle Droids and the Droidekas. Kanan felt the electronic discharge course through the area and heard when all twelve Droids short circuited and exploded.

"Go!" He ordered and bolted forward, using the Force he sensed where the crates were and he immediately grabbed onto two of them. "Spectre 3, get us out of here!" He called out to Chopper who was silently piloting the _Spirit_ just above them. Chopper let out a few loud noises before landing and opening the hatch. Together, they started loading as many crates on the Spirit as it could carry.

"Uh guys!" Sabine yelled urgently, Kanan could hear blaster fire coming their direction. "Troopers and those Walkers are coming!"

"Rex, how many crates do we have?"

"Fourteen each."

"That'll do, we need to go now." Kanan ordered, tilting his head he could still hear blaster fire. "Sabine!" He called out to her, "Let's go!" A few seconds later he felt run past him into the Spirit. "Chopper, now!" The hatch closed and Chopper took off into high the air, it wasn't until a moment later did their became under enemy fire.

"We got four TIE Fighters and their closing in!" Their wasn't enough time to go into orbit and make the jump to Hyperspace. There just _wasn't enough time_.

"Get us into Hyperspace!"

"Without being out of orbit!? You're crazy, we don't know what will happen to us or this area if we do that!"

"There's no time, just do it!" Kanan said his voice firm as he felt another hit jossel their ship.

"Three more TIE fighters." Ezra announced. And Kanan could sense his nervousness but also his temptation to deal with the TIE fighters himself.

" _Sabine!_ "

"Almost there!"

Then a hard hit to the ship caused Kanan to stumble back, he flailed his hands trying to grab onto something but his felt his elbow brush up against something and Kanan was falling, but then he wasn't. Briefly he sensed Ezra's presence on the Hanger door of the _Spirit_ , keeping his Master afloat using the Force. He smiled, feeling proud that his Padawan has come this far in his training. But then his smile faded when amongst all the chaos he heard one of the crates slide away from the others and was heading towards him. "Ezra, look out!" He called out in warning.

But it was too late, he listened to Ezra let out a yelp of pain and Kanan felt himself falling again with Ezra close behind him. Reaching out, he blindly grabbed hold of the teen's arm and pulled him close as they hit the ground hard with Kanan taking the full force of the impact.

Above them, he heard Rex and Zeb continuous calls out to them and then the shock wave of the Spirit entering Hyperspace was so strong that it broke the ground beneath them and Kanan covered his student without a second thought. When it hit, it hit him _ **hard**_ and he was flown backwards, Ezra flying out of his grasp and Kanan felt nothing but agony.

"Kanan!" Ezra called out as he stood on shaky legs only to crash back down onto his stomach. "Kanan..." He grunted, using his elbows he crawled towards his Master. When he reached him, through his blurry vision he saw the condition his guardian was in, Kanan was hurt and it was bad. His head was throbbing and his legs weren't working correctly from the shock of what had happened.

Kanan grabbed hold of the kid's hand and gave it a squeeze. He felt his Padawan's exhaustion and pain with his own and he wished he could make it go away for both of them. Abruptly and completely out of no where, Kanan felt dread fill his soul, he recognized this dread, this feeling of hatred. It was the same one he encountered back on Malachor. The same one that almost tried to kill Kanan a second time when it captured his family. It was Maul.

"E-Ezra.." He gasped out. He felt fear and his heart was pounding. "Please, you need to go, you need to get somewhere safe." But Ezra wasn't listening, hell he was barely even conscious. The blind Jedi nudged his student, "Ezra, _run!_ "He cried out desperately. Fear exploded within his heart, he feared that Maul was going to take his boy away from him again.

"Oh." A voice hummed out right above him. "There's really no need for that _'Master Jedi'_. Someone needs to be around to watch you suffer, now don't they?"

Kanan felt a swift kick to his head and he blacked out.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said I don't know where I'm going with this or why it just decided to appear in my head or just how many chapters this will be. All I know is that I wanted to write a story about Kanan and Ezra being kidnapped by Maul.
> 
> So here it is. I must warn you guys when it comes to me updating chapters it really all depends on how I am doing as a whole. Sometime I get them out fast, sometimes I don't via writers block or I'm busy and or just lazy. Just know that I will get them out, of that none of you have to worry.
> 
> Again, your feedback with reviews is always so appreciated and I will see you all soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember to send me your feedback, I love you all.

Kanan's mind was hazy, he couldn't remember why every thing so much, why his back felt like it had been slashed open and why he could barely move any of his limbs. His nose felt broken and the mere thought of opening his eyes even with the safety of his Temple Guard mask on made his stomach churn.

"—an." A distorted voice echoed through his sensitive ears, Kanan winced at the abruptness and bit his lower lip when pain shot through his head yet again. He tried to ignore the voice but it was relentless. As the haze cleared from his mind and he began to fully wake up the he realized what the voice was saying. "Kanan!"

"E-Ezra?" Kanan croaked out, recognizing the teen's voice immediately as he licked his chapped lips and coughed a few time to try and relive the dryness within his throat, a loud sigh of pure _relief_ come from his Padawan as he felt fingers grip the clothing around his arm, "I've been calling your name for the past ten minutes, you had me worried."

"I'm sorry." He apologized, as he reached out and placed a hand on the boy's shoulder, shifting his weight Kanan sat up. Using his free hand, he felt the walls around him, they were some place different, they didn't feel like the ones back on the _Ghost_ and what's more this whole place didn't feel like the Ghost, Kanan could sense _hatred_ , _manipulation_ and _anger_ , it seemed to ooze off the walls. "Ezra." He said, voice still hoarse and dry. "Where are we?"

A pause of absolute silence came from his student.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Ezra asked and Kanan recognized the tone as a cautious one, someone that sounded like they were break some bad news and he didn't like it, not at all. But he, nonetheless, wracked his brain for any recent memories of just why they were in a place with this much hate.

"We were on a mission to pick up some cargo for the Fleet, everything was fine... until these TIE fighters boxed us in when we were trying to get away, I told Sabine to active HYperspace and then." He stopped suddenly, jerking his head up as he remember falling out of the Spirit only to catch by Ezra with the Force. "I remember falling, you catching me and then one of the crates hit you and you fell too— I felt _pain_ when I protected you from hitting the ground the shock wave of the Spirit entering Hyperspace and then—" He stopped again when he realized who showed up after the rest of their crew managed to get away.

He remembered the rage, the cold feeling of _dread_ , "Maul." He growled as he dug his finger nails into his palms. Of course it was Maul that captured them, now it made sense why this place felt wrong, they were in a holding cell.

"Yeah..." Ezra sighed sounding tired and depressed, Kanan sensed his _fear_ and feel the teen's tension. "Hey, don't worry. You and I will make it out of this, alright?" He gave Ezra's shoulder a light squeeze and smiled. It didn't matter if the smile was a facade to hide what he was truly feeling about their situation.

"Right, we'll be fine. Together?" Ezra said, his voice no longer sounding depressed. No, it didn't matter the Jedi doubted their chances of survival, all that truly mattered was that his reassurance gave Ezra his confidence back.

And that was all Kanan needed to keep going. "As it has always been."

"How touching." A familiar voice suddenly spoke out, both student and mentor shot up onto their feet. "The bond between the pair of you truly is something to behold." Kanan gritted his teeth in Maul's direction and place a protective hand in front of Ezra. _You're not getting him, you're not going to hurt him ever again._ He thought as he called upon the Force for guidance, to help him get his Padawan and himself out of here, beside him he felt Ezra do the same.

"Ah ah ah, we'll have none of that." Maul spoke out his voice a deathly calm. An electric current shocked his entire body, it dropped him to his knees. Ezra's pain mixed with his own as he felt his Padawan fall forward as well, crying out and trembling.

"Automatic Shock collars. A handy thing to have around for your enemies." Maul laughed and Kanan could feel how delighted the Sith was at seeing them in pain, it sickened him. "Neither of you will be using the Force during your time here. And if you do happen to disobey that order then the shocks will only continue to get worse."

Kanan let out a cough, it tasted like metal. "What do you want?" He snarled trying to stand up, trying to fight and be the Jedi he was suppose to be, but his body wasn't listening to him.

"Me?" A deep chuckle echoed off the walls. "All I want is to get to know you better, Master Jedi." Iron hands grabbed his arms and began dragging him away. "Take the Jedi to the medical room, his injuries need _tending_ too."

"Wait!" Kanan yelled, he twisted and struggled as he heard Ezra's frantic voice for him, he fought to get lose from the robots but their grip was too strong. "Ezra!"

"Kanan!"

"Ezra, stay strong!" He called out desperately, Kanan needed- he believed that Ezra was strong enough to resist Maul's manipulation, he truly _did_ but Maul has tricked his Padawan in the past. _Please, Ezra. Please don't fall for his games. Don't believe a word he says._ Kanan said through their bond. He needed Ezra to listen, he wished he could tell the kid how terrified he is about losing him to the Dark Side but he never gets the chance.

The doors to the holding cell slammed shut and Kanan could no longer feel his bond with his student anymore.

" _Let me go!_ " He snarled out as he continued his feeble attempt in escaping the Droids hold on him, he summoned the Force various times but only recieved a jolt of a thousand needles shocking his body, making him go limp. The Droids carried him to the Medbay and strapped him to the table. Kanan struggled, he squirmed and moved, doing his very best to break the straps that were keeping him locked down to the table. Slowly, and without any source of emotion he felt one of the Droids walked over towards him.

"What are you doing?" He demanded as he jerked from side to side. But the robot stayed absolutely silent as it jabbed the needle filled with a strange orange liquid into his arm. The agony was instantaneous, his very insides felt like they were melting, it felt like all his organs were dissolving into a puddle of nothingness.

He screamed, he could barely think straight, his muscles stiffened and he could _hear_ his insides sizzling. This wasn't like when he lost his vision, or even when Maul shot him out of that airlock, those moments were quick— painful _yes_ but the pain of losing his eyes dulled down soon after and Kanan was able to save himself from suffocating.

This was different, this was slow and deliberate, planned. It was torture and it was excruciating. Kanan's flight and fight instincts kicked into overdrive, he began thrashing around mindlessly, thinking that if he could loosen the straps that bounded him to the table then he could be free of this agony. Then finally twenty minutes later, the serum wore off and Kanan went limp. Maul's presence entered the room and he used the Force out of impulse, the jolt of the Shock Collar only added to his already tormented body. "I'm impressed with your will. My previous test subjects didn't last this long in the least."

Kanan tried to speak, tried to form some type of response to Maul's words. To tell him off, to threaten him. But he couldn't, his throat was to raw from screaming. Instead he simply laid there, his body too exhausted to do anything else but twitch uncontrollably. And then Ezra popped into his head, and the thought of his Padawan going through something like _this_ gave him the drive to move again. "I-If you— you do... th-this to Ezr-Ezra."

"Still thinking of him even when you in obvious pain?" Maul tsked out calmly. "Freight not, I have other plans for your apprentice, _Caleb Dume_."

Kanan's heart froze.

"Right now, Ezra has learned of your real identity." The Sith Lord stated as he circled Kanan like a preditor. "And I had planned to use that to turn him against you-"

Kanan's expression turned to anguish. _No, no, no... Ezra- Please..._

"But it appears the boy is very stubborn." And the tone of Maul's voice almost sounded frustrated. "No matter, if that won't turn him against you, I have other ways." He jerked forward, wanting to lash out, to hurt Maul. Kanan knew he wasn't acting like a true Jedi should, but right now he didn't care.

"Now that injection was only a small dosage. Nothing compared to the ones you'll be receiving later on, let's continue with your _treatment_ , shall we?" Maul laughed and Kanan could vaguely sense the Sith Lord's delight, it made his stomach churn, he shivered. "Oh don't worry, it won't kill you... yet."

For the next two hours Kanan was injected with that same serum each time it wore off, they didn't even give him a chance to breathe before stabbing him with that needle again. And when Maul was finally done with him, finally bored of hearing Kanan's screams of torture, that is when he ordered his Droids to take him back to the holding cell, and they did so without any concerned to his fragile body. Simply tossing him inside- where he rolled and hit the wall hard- and closed the cell doors, leaving him all alone to suffer with the chemical still inside his system.

There on the cold, hard, floor, he curled into himself, Kanan gasped out for air, with each intake a sob escaped his trembling lips. It hurt to breathe, _god_ it hurt to even be curled in this position but his limbs were no longer obeying him. He let out another hesitant gasp of air and cringed when his organs _**burned**_ once more. Kanan was so consumed with what was happening to him that he barely was able to feel Ezra's _shock_ and _concern_ within his mind.

"Kanan!" Ezra called out loudly hand on his shoulder and Kanan jerked back with a yelp as the simple action that was suppose to be a concerned gesture only brought him even more discomfort. "...Kanan?" And then he was feeling _hurt_ coming from his Padawan and Kanan felt guilty. Pushing back everything he felt, he extended his hand and grasped Ezra's arm, the action alone _hurt_ but he need to let Ezra know that he needed him.

"What did you do to him!?" Ezra demand as the blind Jedi sensed his student wiping around and faced —Kanan assumed— was Maul.

And then there was nothing, nothing but him surrounded by darkness and silence as Ezra gently —his touch barely there— rubbed his arm with the back of his knuckles, offering the little comfort he could... Kanan hated this type of silence. His grip on the teen's arm tightened when the deafening silence continue until Kanan couldn't take it anymore. "E-Ezra, say— say something. Talk." He stuttered out, still having it hard to breathe as he sensed Ezra's hesitation.

"I know your real name." Those five words made him bit his lower lip, he moaned as he curled into himself a little tighter. "Kanan, it's okay. I don't care that you hide past from me, I don't care why you lied about your name." Ezra stated, and the Jedi felt his student shift closer as Ezra continued his running knuckles over Kanan's arm.

Slowly, Kanan felt the serum dissolve from his body, the pain still lingered but it had faded enough for him to uncurl from his fetal position. "My past— it hurt too much to talk about."

"I figured that you had your reasons."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine, really. Besides, to me you'll always be Kanan." Despite the bad situation they were both in, Kanan smiled.

"Thank you."

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

_Two Hours Earlier:_

_._

_._

Why was this happening? What did either of them do to deserve this, to be kidnapped by Maul without any way to contact their crew? Maybe— Was this his fault? Did trusting Maul the first time and doing so a second cause all this, a punishment? He clinched his fists, feeling guilty, feeling scared. He knew he shouldn't be, shouldn't let Maul get that satisfaction. But he couldn't help it.

He couldn't help but call out, fear replacing anger for just a few seconds.

"Kanan!"

And then his Master was telling him to stay strong, to not believe anything the Sith Lord said, he nodded to himself. Yeah, that won't be a problem, he didn't trust Maul and he would never do so again. "Leave Kanan alone." Ezra snapped angrily, he pulled himself up onto his feet and glared at Maul, who merely smirked at him and gestured him to follow.

"Come, my apprentice."

For reasons he couldn't fathom, he followed the Sith Lord out of the holding cell, "I'm not _your_ apprentice." He said firmly, because he _wasn't_ , and he will never be Maul's Padawan. The former Sith Lord lead the way down a multitude of corridors.

"I must congratulate you on becoming so strong, Ezra." Maul complimented but Ezra remained silent. "It's a shame your Master couldn't be the one that got you this far."

"If it hadn't been for Kanan I wouldn't have gotten _anywhere_ at all. He and my friends gave me a purpose." The seventeen year old said with pride as he spoke about his family, his words were true, if it hadn't been for Kanan and everyone else he would still be just a lonely Loth-rat living on the streets. "All you want is to hurt people to get your revenge. And that's not what I want."

"You're loyalty to your crew is to be admired, but even the closest of families keep secrets." Maul stopped in front of a door as it opened and he stepped inside. Ezra following cautiously not letting his guard down for a second. "Tell me, what do you know of your Master?"

"I know enough." Ezra replied as he stiffened his muscles, the room was cold, it was dark. He didn't want to be here.

"Care to elaborate?"

"I know that he fought in the Clone Wars, his Master's name was Depa Billaba and she was killed by her Clone Troopers—"

"Ah, yes. Order 66. Where all the Clones were implanted with control chips that made them turn on their fellow Jedi." Maul seemed delightfully pleased with the chaos that Order 66 brought, the pain it brought Kanan, Ezra glared once again at the Sith Lord. "And what of your Master? What does he feel about that ordeal?"

"He doesn't talk about—"

"And why not?"

"Because it hurts him!" Ezra interjected loudly. "Why are you doing this anyway. Just leave Kanan alone."

"Forgive me, my apprentice. I was only trying to warn you that your Master is not who he claims to be."

Ezra scoffed, not convinced in the least. "I don't believe you."

Maul sighed, "Very well. I guess I have no choice, I am forced to go to other measures to get you to believe my claims."

Suddenly a holoscreen appeared to his right and Ezra saw a woman with her brown hair braided and tied back in loops. Her skin was tan, and she was wearing the traditional robes Kanan had said they all use to wear back then. As he looked at her, he kept getting the feeling as though he knew her, and then it dawned on him. She was the same woman whose hologram was inside Kanan's Holocron, the same one that he listened carefully to as she gave him various lessons, just as he had done with Anakin's recordings.

This was Master Billaba.

Next to Master Billaba sat a young boy much younger then Ezra, himself. And Ezra couldn't help but smile as he looked the kid, immediately he knew who that was. Even though this was just a projection, the bond he felt with this kid was exactly the same as the one he came in contact with two years ago back on Lothal.

Blaster fire started shooting past him and Ezra ducked out of instinct. Before him he watched as Master Billaba and Little Kanan fought off their fellow Clone Troopers. _Oh no..._ He thought as sadness filled his heart, he was witnessing Order 66. _"PADAWAN!"_ Ezra couldn't help but look away as Billaba and young Kanan killed various Clone Troopers, their friends and allies. He knew they were fighting for survival, but it was still hard to watch. _"Run or fight. But do not just stand there."_

_"Yes, Master."_

Then all at once the Clones out numbered them. And instantly Ezra knew what was about to happen, he turned away— _"Caleb, we cannot win this battle... You must run."_

_Wait... What?_

"Caleb?"

"Aw, yes. You now know the truth of your Master, the lies he fed you. If your Master cares about you at all then why hide his true identity? If he trusted you at all then why lie and give you a fake name?" Ezra said nothing to those words, he only continued to stare at the footage of his Master fighting along side Billaba.

_"Go, I'll be right behind you."_

And Ezra watched in shock as Kanan- Caleb did exactly that, he obeyed Master Billaba's orders and ran as he dodged enemy fire- only to turn around a second later when he heard Depa call out to one of their Troopers to not kill her padawan.

_"MASTER!"_

All at once he felt Kanan's _pain_ and _anguish_ in that moment as he screamed for his now dead mentor. The holoscreen flashed other images of periods of time in Kanan's life after Order 66, him living on the streets for months, becoming a thief with Kasmir Janus, being caught by his old Troopers who were still being controlled and being rescued by Janus.

The video feed ended with Caleb leaving Kasmir behind and becoming Kanan Jarrus.

Silence filled the room.

"Now you know the truth, my apprentice." The former Sith Lord said, calmly. "Seems your Master isn't as good and loyal as you thought he was." He never knew the extent of Kanan's past, he never knew all that Kanan went through after his Master was killed by people they trusted for years. But _now_ he did— he _**saw**_ all the months spent alone, he _**saw**_   the pain Caleb went through and how hard it was for him to adjust to having everything only for it to be ripped away in a second. In a way, Caleb's life was even worse then Ezra's, sure growing up on the streets for seven years was hard but he grew use to that situation and after a while it became less about surviving and more him living his life. But Kanan had everything, he was happy... then he wasn't and it almost crushed him.

And Ezra can't help but feel even more close to his Master then ever before because Kanan really did understand his fear of isolation, of being alone with no one there for you. _Poor Kanan..._ He thought sadly, knowing now after all this time how much in common the two of them were.

"Fret not, my young apprentice. For I shall never lie to you, when you come with me you shall see—"

Ezra let out a scoff at Maul's words, did he honestly think that showing Ezra a lie such as Kanan's real name would be enough for him to switch sides? Did Maul really think him that shallow, that naive? No, he wasn't fooled and he would never trust Maul ever again, no matter how tempting and manipulative he was.

"No." He said as he turned and faced the Sith Lord, shaking his head.

And for the first time the Sith Lord looked almost shocked, "What are—"

"It doesn't matter that Kanan lied about his name or who he really is, I don't care." Ezra announced, crossing his arms. "If you honestly thought that showing me all that would make me come with you and abandon Kanan, you're wrong. If anything, my bond with him is even stronger."

For a moment Maul looked angry, and Ezra could feel his frustration and rage seeping off from and it looked like he was going to lash out but instead he watched as Maul closed his eyes, "You're stubbornness proceeds you, apprentice." Maul stated, raising his hand. "I have other methods. You will join my side soon enough." And Ezra felt a rush of mental _pain_ slam into his mind, he saw images of Kanan and everyone else being tortured slowly, their cries washed over him and dropped him to his knees. Clinching the side of his head, Ezra tried to using the Force to make it go away but it only received a jolt of electricity from the collar around his neck.

The images Maul showed him were horrific, they were graphic and terrifying, they were things that Ezra was sure he would have nightmares about later, he sobbed. Tears running down his cheeks as he silently wish for everything to _**stop**_ , for him to just pass out, to escape these hellish images. And then abruptly, it did. Through blurry eyes, Ezra saw Maul lower his hand and smile at him, "I think that's enough for today, Ezra. We'll start this lesson again tomorrow."

He felt the bottom of his stomach drop out of his chest, this was going to happen again? He could barely handle this the first time. "Come," Maul's voice sounded _giddy_ as he gestured Ezra to get to his feet. "Let us return to your living courtiers."

Slowly, forcing past the dizziness in his head and shakiness of his body due to the shock collar, Ezra stood up. Making their way back to the holding cell when the doors slide open, Ezra was hit with pure _agony_. He gasped at the abruptness, his heart clinched in his chest, focusing his eyes he saw his Master lying on the floor curled in a ball of pain. The mere sight of it all scared him.

"Kanan!" He cried out, rushing forward, falling to his knees and immediately placed his hand on the older man's shoulder for comfort as well as contact. But Kanan merely gave a yelp and flinched away from him, and Ezra understood why, combined with the feeling of _pain_ Ezra was also able to see and smell that Kanan's skin had been somewhat burned, but it was more then that, it felt like the burning was coming from the inside, it's not wonder why he wouldn't want to be touched and Ezra tried really hard to let that _hurt_ him but he still was unable to stop the hurtful whispers of, "...Kanan?" Then Kanan, somehow sensing his _hurt_ , raised his hand and placed it on Ezra's arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

 _Oh Kanan..._ Ezra could still feel the torment his Master was going through even now, even though he doesn't know what happened and that made him angry. Whirling around, he gave Maul a death glare, "What did you do to him!?" He demanded to know as he wiped around and glared at Maul, because how dare Maul lay a hand on Kanan again, how dare this Sith Lord hurt his father figure _again_! But Maul simply smiled at him, all sharp teeth and sadistic, plainly obvious that he enjoyed seeing his Master in pain, turning on his heels Maul exist the room without a word.

The anger towards Maul boiled within him, but he shook his head and forced it down as he turned his attention on Kanan. Seeing how much pain his Master was in made him not want to touch him for fear of causing Kanan even more pain. But the urge to console the older Jedi was unbearable, his heart ached for Kanan, reaching forward, his touch as light as air, Ezra began rubbing his knuckles over Kanan's arm, heart still aching that this was all the comfort he could give as the silence stretched overcame the two of them.

It lasted so long that Ezra jumped when Kanan started talking, "E-Ezra, say— say something. Talk." The seventeen year old hesitated, because there was only one thing on his mind right now. He hesitates because voicing that he knows the truth, isn't going to make his injured Master feel any better. But Ezra also knew that in order for Kanan to move past this, it needed to be brought out into the open.

"I know your real name." True to form, Kanan didn't take the news well. He moaned loudly as he curled father into himself. And Ezra felt his _guilt_ , his _grief_ , his _anger_ , his _shame_ as well as his physical and emotional _pain_ all towards himself. And he refused to let Kanan feel that way any longer. "Kanan, it's okay. I don't care that you hide past from me, I don't care why you lied about your name." He said with honesty, because it was true. Kanan may have lied about his name and he never lied about anything else, he never lied about what befell his Master, never lied about seeing the Ghost crew as his own family, and mostly importantly, Kanan never once lied that he didn't care about Ezra, never lied about seeing him as his own kid.

And to Ezra, that was enough.

Then the Padawan felt his Master pain slowly began to dissipate. His heart felt a thousand times lighter when he witness Kanan inch his way out from his fetal position. Though Kanan still looked worse for wear, Ezra felt himself breathe out a long ragged sigh, relieved beyond belief that whatever Maul had done to Kanan was over. "My past— it hurt too much to talk about. I wanted a clean slate... To start over." Kanan's voice was hoarse with emotion and Ezra nodded once, he understood, he truly did.

"I figured that you had your reasons." Which was true, what right did Ezra -or anyone have to judge Kanan on why he choose to change his name. Everyone has there own reasons for making those types of decisions.

"I'm sorry." And the younger felt _guilt_ course through his bond with Kanan, to which Ezra simply shook his head and found himself smiling as he held on to Kanan's hand was still draped over his arm. "It's fine, really. Besides, to me you'll always be Kanan." That, of course was also true. Ezra has come to realize that no matter what he does or says, his faith and his love for Kanan will never waver.

"Thank you." His Master whispered out with a smile as he sat up, gently reaching over and place a hand on top of his head. And Ezra sighed, feeling oddly content despite the current circumstances. Impulsively, soaking in the moment of this peaceful silence. He was grateful for these moments, just him and Kanan. Feeling relieved that Maul had gone away at for the time being and he could no longer hurt Kanan or show him those gruesome images of his family. Show him all the death and pain and—

He visibly cringed as the images flashed within his mind's eye and Kanan let out a gasp and Ezra realized that he unknowingly let down his Force walls around his mind, and that allowed Kanan to see what Maul had showed him during the time they were separated. "Ezra..." His name left his father's lips, the tone of his voice thick with concern, with _worry_ for Ezra and no one else.

Ezra bit his lower lip, as his eyes stung from his emotional barriers coming down, relieving those images and how much Kanan cared about him. Scooting closer to his Mentor, Ezra dropped his forehead against Kanan's shoulder and let out a shaky breath. Arms wrapped around him not a second later. "What did he show you?" Kanan whispered as the younger felt those protective arm tighten just a tad, a hand carding through his hair.

Ezra's body was trembling now, he lifted his hands and clutched Kanan's clothes.

"Everything that I'm afraid to lose."

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Kanan _wasn't_ mad. He was mad when Coburn Sear killed his friend Stance so mercilessly. He was mad when his vision was taken away from him. He was mad when he witnessed fellow Clone Troopers killed his Master right in front of him. Kanan was _so mad_ when the Mandalorians had almost killed Hera. And he was mad when the Sith Temple exploded with Ahsoka trapped inside. But right now, as he held onto Ezra, his Padawan, his son in every shape and form, as he felt Ezra's body shake with tremors and listened as the teen tried so hard not to cry. Kanan realized that no, he wasn't _mad_.

He was _furious_.

How _**dare**_ Maul invade Ezra's mind and show such gut-wrenching images. Torturing Kanan was one thing— but Ezra? Playing on the teen's greatest fear, the very thing that hurts him the most— losing his family all over again and being completely alone? How _dare_ he put his padawan through something like that, Kanan's heart ached for his boy seeing him in such a state of _panic_ and _hysteria_ hurt so much and only fueled his fury towards the Sith Lord.

But when Ezra let out another choked sob that when his anger dissipated and focused on Ezra. Because right now it was his apprentice that needed him most. Shifting, he adjusted their positions and pulled the teenagers form into the croak of his side. almost immediately he felt Ezra curled into a ball and brought his arms around the older Jedi's waist and clung to him.

"Kanan, I'm sorry." He heard his Padawan's muffled voice as he buried his face deeper into his collar bone.

Kanan rubbed his back. "For what?"

Ezra let out a shaky breathe as he continued to tremble in Kanan's protective embrace, flinching ever so slightly at the images that wouldn't go away and Kanan tightened his hold. "If—If wasn't for me and what happened on Malachor we wouldn't be here-"

"Hey, hey." He soothed out as he ran a comforting hand through the boy's hair that still felt too short for his liking. "I told you back in those caves that I never blamed you for any of it. And what's... happening right now is just bad luck. We're just in the usual mess."

Ezra let out a watery laugh along with a sniff, and for a moment Kanan thought that the panic and fear that plagued the seventeen year old's finally went away, "I know we've been through hard times before but this— _this_ is different, what Maul did... what he keeps doing, it hits harder then any other person we've faced."

"It's because in some way, he knows us. Knows how we think, knows what we're feeling and what we fear. You most of all because—"

"I trusted him."

"You always want to see the good in everyone, Ezra. There's no shame in that. You didn't know Maul was tricking you."

"You knew."

Kanan sighed, "Yes, I knew. But it's only because I've come to notice what someone is like when their lying. All Jedi can at some point. And you—"

"Haven't gotten there yet."

"Of course, you're only seventeen. You're still learning." Kanan spoke out honestly, Ezra scoffed and the older Jedi felt the younger try and pull away from him, but Kanan held on. "But that's what I'm here for, to train you. And when you're older and have learned everything you need to learn _that_ is when you won't need my teaching anymore."

And his Padawan seemed to take something else away from his words because the kid's arms wrapped around his waist once again and squeezed a little too hard. "I'll always need you, Kanan." Ezra murmured into his shoulder. "It's why the situation we're in scares me. Maul knows too much about us, knows how to hurt us." Kanan could physically hear the large gulp Ezra took as his breathing turned shallow again. "He's torturing you. I felt it... if this gets any worse then it already has and something happens— something happens to _you_ I don't think I'd be able too—"

"Shh, don't think like that. You and I are going to be fine." Kanan pushed away a little to wipe away the fresh tears that he knew were falling down the boy's face. Even in the infinate darkness Maul had put him in, he still could see Ezra. "We'll make it out of this. Do you know why?"

"Hehe, right... together."

Kanan nodded, "As it should be." He said matter-a-factly, a comfortable silence fell between them as Ezra settled back within his arms, but it no longer held that tension, that fear of of the images that Maul forced Ezra to see, to try and break him, make him switch sides.

_We are going to get out of this, Ezra. I promise._

That was his last thought before Kanan slipped into sleep.

* * *

The couple days started with Kanan being dragged away by Maul's droids, taken to the same room and injected with the same chemicals as last time. And just like last time, Kanan fought, he struggled to get away as they took him to the same room and injected him with the same chemicals as before. Maul must have upped the dosage on this batch because this was worse then before. He tried to fight the pain, he tried to clear his mind and let himself go unconscious but not even the serum would give him that type of peace.

Instead, he laid there on the cold medical table as his body convulsed and his inside felt like they were being dipped in lava. The screams that where ripped from his throat where raw and ear-shattering.

Kanan wished he could say that he'd grow use to this pain, this feeling of his insides being burned and scorched but he couldn't, he also wished that he could silence his screams because they were giving Maul such satisfaction and joy and he wanted nothing to do with that. Three hours later, the injections stopped and Kanan's arched back crashed back onto the table as he panted and gasped out for air that burned his lungs. Tears spilled down his face and he hated it.

As the droids picked him up he couldn't help but think of Ezra, what Maul must be showing him, it made his heart ache. "Impressive as always, Master Jedi." Kanan let out a hoarse growl at the voice that was suddenly behind him, the urge to fight him was unbearable but Kanan choked it down, knowing that he would be no match for the Sith Lord in his condition.

"Kr-Kriff off..." Kanan swore with stuttering breathes.

"Such language. Would your Master be proud of such words? That is if she was still alive." Maul sneered out slyly. Kanan pressured his lips together in a line and swallowed as the droids stopped moving and shoved him inside his cell. Unlike last time however, Kanan was slightly more aware of his surroundings. His other senses were a bit foggy but he was still able to take notice that Ezra once again, wasn't here. Kanan's heart couldn't help but ache. What Maul must be showing his Padawan, he could barely think about. His body stiffened and his nails dug into his palms as he sat up and leaned against the wall, the cool metal actually felt soothing on his scorching hot skin. He also noticed how much he was sweating and how many blisters on his arms and legs he had as they continued to pop the more strain he put them through.

When Maul finally did bring Ezra back twenty minutes later, Kanan could immediately feel the boy's distress and sadness through their bond, he noticed that unlike yesterday, Ezra wasn't trying to hide it, his mental walls were down and Kanan could see the images Maul showed him this time around and Kanan couldn't help but cringe as they were worse then before, more graphic and bloody, the sere intensity of it all made a shiver run down his spine. Nothing was said as the cell doors closed shut and were locked from the other side. Among the silence, Kanan could hear the thick tears that fell from Ezra's cheeks drip on to the floor with one loud _plop plop_ after the other.

The Jedi wasted no time as he opened his arms wide, a silent invitation for the boy to seek the comfort he knew Ezra was wanting. Not a second later Ezra was latching onto Kanan, letting out small, choked sobs. And Kanan held him through it all, until the cries stopped altogether but the tears still flowed freely down the teenager's face. "K-Kanan?" The voice that spoke his name was far too small and far too hesitant to be the seventeen year old's he'd come to know.

Regardless, he tightened his hold and rubbed the kid's back. "Yeah?"

"C-Can you... Can you tell me a— a story about when you were young?" The question startled him at first, wondering just what in all the galaxy brought this request up until he realized moments later that this scenario had happened before. The first time it happened it was the night after they escape the Inquisitor from the Jedi Temple. And the second was after they both had found out the fate of Mira and Ephraim Bridger, both those times Ezra had come to him crying, clinching to Kanan and asking for him to tell him a story about a time when he was younger. And both those times, Kanan had done so. When he asked Ezra about it later, Ezra just gave him a sheepish smile and said that whenever he had a nightmare as a kid, his parents would always tell him stories about times when they had been young and hadn't met yet and doing so would calm him down.

"One time when I was still a youngling I had the amazing idea of trying to cook something for my Master as a thanks for taking me in as her Padawan." Kanan began as he recalled the memory with a small smile on his face. "As luck would have it didn't go well and I almost burned the area we were in to the ground. Styles- One of our Troopers, teased me none stop for weeks before my Master politely asked to show me mercy. Still though, there were times when I would hear him say it under his breathe and laughing. After that incident no one let me in charge of cooking again." A low chuckle let the Jedi's throat and he sighed, realizing how long ago that was.

"You can't cook?"

"Hehe, no I can't. I didn't trust myself enough, still don't."

"I can cook." Ezra's voice was still quivering but Kanan could sense the boy calming down and that brought the older Jedi such relief. "My parents taught me a little but the rest... I taught myself."

Kanan nodded in understanding, knowing how to feed yourself while living on the streets was essential to surviving.

"Kanan?"

The Jedi in question shifted his body to become more comfortable. "Hmm?"

"Thanks for... _this_. It helped. Thank you."

"Anytime, kiddo."

Seven hours later... or— or maybe it wasn't seven hours... if felt more like a century but all that Kanan could really register was that could barely breathe, he gasped and was unable to take in any air into his lungs. He jerked up and coughed and wheezed because god his lungs burned. Everything burn in fact, slowly Kanan realized that he must have been given those injection again... but this was worse so much worse then a few hours ago or yesterday or the day before that. Then hands were on his shoulders, holding him still, their grips so tight they dug into his skin.

"Kanan!?" A voice asked loudly, it was frantic and worried and sounded absolutely scared to death. But still, amongst the haze of pain and fog Kanan knew that voice.

"E-E-Ezra?" He gasped out. A loud, heartbreaking cry echo off the walls and suddenly Ezra was hugging him, locking Kanan in a death grip that was refusing to let go any time soon. Concerned for his boy but also not able to force the pain away this time, Kanan let out a yelp with a visible flinch, biting his lower lip when his heart felt like someone had dipped it in boiling water, _god_ what was wrong with him?

He felt Ezra jerk back when his yelp rang out, "I'm sorry! Kanan... I'm sorry."

Among his own physical pain within their bond Kanan could feel Ezra's emotional pain. "W-What- hap-happen-ed?" He asked, through shuddering breathes, his mind over come with dizziness. "W-Wh-Why do I f-f-fe- _feel_ —" His sentence was cut off as he doubled over and impulsively pressing his hands to his chest and abdomen, his head falling onto Ezra's shoulder.

"Kanan!" Then the kid was holding him again, skinny arms wrapped tightly around his waist and this time Kanan didn't yelp or flinch away. He simply went limp, he gave up completely as he decided to suffer knowing that he couldn't do anything else. His Padawan, the very person who was holding him that was the only person who kept him fighting during all of this was now crying, sobbing and Kanan could sense the teenager's fear and sadness and relief.

"E-E-Ezra?" He questioned as his concern for his boy outweighed the agonizing pain his body was in, Ezra came first. Among the two of them, Ezra would always be his main concern. "What's w-wrong?" But the kid continued to cry and Kanan was at a loss of what to do. Soon though, Ezra spoke, his voice was small and broken and scared. And his words made Kanan's blood freeze.

"You were _dead_... You're **_heart_** stopped beating."

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

_A Few Unknown Hours Earlier:_

_._

_._

_._

Ezra wanted nothing more then to say that he was now numb to whatever images Maul put inside his head, he wanted to say that he was now use to seeing these images of death, blood and war, of seeing his family dying in front of him and Ezra not being able to stop it. He wished he could say all that... That he could tell Kanan that he was fine for these past— what? Five days? Maybe? He had no idea anymore, Maul had retrieved him so many times for his "lessons" that Ezra had lost count long ago, and it also seemed that Kanan did as well because he once found his master quietly muttering to himself, he watched as Kanan tried to remember how long they've actually been here instead of just taking a guess like they usually do, after a while though they both gave up trying to figure it out.

All that the two of them knew was that another day had come and they were both physically and emotionally exhausted. Both of them were running on empty not just from the torment but from the lack of food and water Maul provided for them. Sure, he feed them, it just wasn't enough to get their strength up, and that was the point. But just as Kanan and Ezra were about to drift off to sleep they heard the door slide open and Maul step inside like he always did. Both of them stood up, Ezra watched as Kanan put a protective arm in front of him to which Maul could only scoff at before his Droids positioned themselves behind them both, pointing their guns at their backs.

"Come." Maul said calmly as he gestured two of them to follow. And as they walked down the corridors Ezra could help but be confused because this— whatever Maul had up his sleeve was very different compared every other day. Whatever the Sith Lord had planned for this particular day Ezra had a bad feeling.

Beside him, Ezra felt Kanan's arm brush up against his own, turning to him Kanan gave him a reassuring smile. And Ezra couldn't help but bit his lip as he got a new perspective of Kanan. The cell they had beld captive in was dimply lit, only to where he could only see a silhouette of his Master. But now in the light of the hallways he could fully see the extent of Maul's torture. Kanan's once tanned skin was now red as though he had a really had sunburn and refused to treat it, there were patches of blisters all over his arms, chest and face. Ezra realized then that Kanan didn't have his mask on anymore so he had a clear view of his eyes, which looked sunken in and tired. Indicating that his Master hasn't been sleeping much.

But despite Kanan's appearance and how guilty it made him feel— because he _was_ partly responsible, Ezra smiled back.

They stopped outside a door Ezra didn't recognize. The Droids then grabbed Kanan by the arms and dragged him inside. Ezra followed all the while fighting the urge not to destroy the robots for all they did to Kanan. Once he was inside and the young Padawan saw all the needles and medical table, once he saw the unknown yellow chemical that was contained in those needles did a sense of dreadful realization washed over him like a dark cloud. It wasn't enough that the Droids were going to inject that chemical into Kanan, tormenting him like he has been doing all this time, no Ezra realized then that Maul was going to make Ezra _watch_.

Kanan must have came to that same conclusion as well for he started to struggle as they strapped him down onto the table. "No! Ezra!" Kanan grunted as he pulled at the straps and Ezra took a step towards him but was held back by Maul with a hand grasping his wrist and he froze. "Ezra, look away. _Look away_!" His Master ordered but Ezra found that he couldn't, he couldn't tear his eyes away from the Droids as they brought the needle against Kanan's skin, he watched in horror as the needle penetrated his Master's arm and the substance was emptied into Kanan's blood stream.

Ezra watched as Kanan's face twisted into agony, he felt within their bond how much Kanan was struggling internally not to show any type of pain. For the older Jedi did not want to make his Padawan scared. But soon the serum became too much for Kanan to ignore as he began thrashing around, and his screams filled the room. The young Padawan squeezed his eyes shut and fell to his knees as the sere force of Kanan's agony made him bow his head, hardly being able to stand it as he felt the older Jedi's mind go completely blank with pain, it broke his heart and the tears were immediate. They cascaded down his cheeks and Ezra couldn't help but call out-

"Kanan!" It was a useless call because he knew that Kanan couldn't hear him among everything he was feeling.

Once the serum wore off twenty minutes later, Ezra couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief, but it was short lived as Maul uttered the words, "Up the dosage by 6." Ezra watched in fear as the Droids brought another needle to Kanan's skin and pushed inside.

Kanan's reaction was instantaneous. His bloodcurdling screams filled the room once again. "Stop! Please, _stop_!" He pleaded out as he turned to Maul, his eyes begging for this to all stop. Kanan's screams and cries continued to get louder and Ezra bowed his head and covered his ears, a sob of his own escaped his trembling lips. " ** _Please_**... Please, stop! You're going to kill him."

Maul looked at him, his expression emotionless. And then Ezra came to another realization. One that really shouldn't surprise him but filled him with dread nonetheless, Maul only wanted him, he didn't care about what happened to Kanan, the former Sith didn't care if Kanan died.

"Ezra!" He whirled around as Kanan called out to him, it was loud and pained and mindless.

"Kanan!" Ezra rushed forward, no longer able to see his father in such agony.

" _Ezra_!" That one cry of his name was the last thing that Kanan uttered before he went limp and Ezra felt their connection physically _**snap**_ in two, as the young Padawan felt his Mentor's heart stop, felt Kanan's Force energy cease. Then Ezra couldn't feel Kanan anymore entirely, couldn't feel his kind and reassuring presence and that could only mean...

Kanan was—

His Master was—

His father was... _ **dead**_.

A surge of energy left his body as he fell to his knees and screamed, "NO!" This couldn't be happening, this _**can't**_ be happening. After everything they have been through Kanan _couldn't_ just go out like this, he _couldn't_ leave Ezra all on his own, not with Maul. Ezra curled into himself and cried, cried for Kanan. Cried for his Master, his father, cried that he, Ezra had failed him. His sobs filled the overwhelmingly quiet room, his thoughts consumed on nothing else but his dead Master.

And then Ezra was suddenly angry, angry at Kanan for dying, for leaving being left all alone when he promised that he **_wouldn't_**. That he would always come back, that he would always be there, but he lied... just like his parents.

 _No..._ He thought as he opened his eyes. _I refuse to accept that._ It's true that everyone was going to pass away eventually, Ezra knew that, he came to terms with that _long_ ago no matter how much it hurt to think about. But this place, this horrible and inhuman place would _not_ be Kanan's final resting grounds. Kanan was going to grow old with Hera and the rest of them, he was going to marry Hera and have a little Twi'lek running around the _Ghost_ calling him Uncle Ezra. Kanan would retire as a Jedi but still would fight for the Rebellion and train Ezra.

That would be Kanan's life. And when it would be time for him to go, he would go in peace in his sleep, along with Hera.

But today is not that day.

Standing on shaky legs, Ezra looked up to see the room in complete shambles. The needles and the substance they injected Kanan with was smashed all over the ground, the Droids had been cut in two and looking behind him he saw Maul unconscious on the floor, this... this was his chance, his chance to escape and be free from this torment... but Kanan, Kanan came first. Ezra looked to his Mentor and saw that he too was on the ground, making his way over Ezra knelt down, it was as if Ezra was on auto pilot, his mind was clear but hazy at the same time. It was as if he knew what he needed to do to bring Kanan back to him but also didn't know if it would actually work.

Slowly, Ezra raised his hand and for the first time in who knows how long used the Force. Immediately, his shock collar activated biting his lip, he focused past the pain and used his power to turn on Kanan's own collar around his neck. The collar activated and the combine power of both collars made Ezra's eyes water, he stopped to take a breathe, counting to five before he continued.

_Zzzap Zzzap!_

_1_

_2_

"You have to wake up so we can get out of here." Ezra spoke through gasps as sweat dripped off his forehead as he proceeded to do the chest compression exactly as how Rex had taught him.

_3_

_4_

"You said it yourself, that we'd get out of here together." There was no way in hell he was going to leave Kanan behind when there was still a possibility he could be saved. His compression got even harder.

_5_

_Zzzap Zzzap!_

When nothing changed, the anger rose in his chest as his eyes stung. "C'mon, Kanan!" This wasn't happening, this couldn't be, he _**wouldn't**_ let it happen!

_Zzzap Zzzap!_

"C'mon!"

_1_

_2_

_Zzzap Zzzap!_

"PLEASE!" Ezra yelled as he slammed his fist down onto Kanan's chest, his tears falling down his eyes and cried. Using the Force one more time and shocked both of them on the highest level it was go, still trying desperately to save his Master's life.

Then Kanan's chest heaved and the man inhale a large gasp of air and the sound was music to Ezra's ears. He let out a laugh that was between happy and hysterical as he watched Kanan's chest raise and fall with each breathe he took. Emotions getting the better of him, Ezra reached down and hugged Kanan around the neck before standing up and pulling Kanan onto his back. Giving the room one last look at the damage he'd done and giving Maul a death glare. Ezra began walking out of them room.

"It's okay, Kanan. We're going home."

Ezra knew if Sabine or Zeb were here they'd say his plan was half baked and on the spot. That his plan just to get their Lightsabers and get out wasn't very elaborate and yes, Ezra _knew_ his plan wasn't well thought out but right now as he and Kanan hide from Maul's security Droids inside a hidden room Ezra found by falling into it —that Maul clearly had no idea existed given all the dust and webbing from spider, which Ezra found strange— Ezra knew that this plan... to just get out was their only opinion. And if Hera were here she'd try and get him to slow down and think of something better, think of the pros and cons of the different outcomes this half-baked plan would have but they didn't have the time to slow down and think, they didn't have the time nor the energy to fight their way out, they both were too weak.

So they would have to bide their time and wait. Because waiting and slowing down were two different things in Ezra's book. Waiting meant that he was preparing himself, his body stiff and his hands clinched ready to fight if need be, even if he wouldn't last very long, waiting meant he was ready regardless of the dangers he was still going through with his plan, no matter how reckless it was. Slowing down meant rethinking and therefore wasting time that they could have used to act on the strategy they already had. And in this situation neither of them could afford to slow down, not when this could be the one opportunity to get out.

His breathing quickened as some Droids past and Ezra's entire body tensed and he closed his eyes, praying they weren't caught already when they were so close to getting out, all they had to do was get their Lightsabers and get out. A shaky sigh of relief escaped his lips when the robots past by without any indication that the two of them were hiding. Shifting his limps, Ezra tried to force down a grunt of discomfort as the intensity of the shock collars started to take effect, his body twitched as he felt the little stabbing pains in his entire frame, it was as if someone was poking him with a thousand needles at once.

A groan escaped his lips but it took him several moments to realize that the noise hadn't come from him, it came from something else... _someone_ else. Someone that was currently protecting, someone that he literally brought back to life. "Kanan?" He whispered out, his voice quivered as his heart all but leaped into his throat. Then there was silence and Ezra couldn't stop himself from speaking louder, despite the danger of getting caught he needed to know if Kanan was awake, "Kanan!?"

"E-E-Ezra?" The voice was hoarse and barely even there but Ezra heard it regardless, he felt his bond with his Master suddenly spring back to life and he couldn't have felt more overjoyed in his entire life. Kanan was _here_ , he was _**awake**_ , he was breathing and by the Force that meant the world to Ezra. Biting his lower lip, the Padawan flung his arms around Kanan and held on for dear life. He never wanted to let go but did so when Kanan let out a cry of pain. "I'm sorry! Kanan... I'm sorry."

Silence fell between them as Ezra waited for Kanan to regain his barrings. "W-What- hap-happen-ed?" His Master asked as Ezra felt his utter confusion. And Ezra knew he had to answer the question. "W-Wh-Why do I f-f-fe- _feel_ —" Suddenly Kanan curling in on himself, he watched the older Jedi grasp his chest and abdomen, squeezing to try and relieve some of the pressure.

"Kanan!" Ezra said fearfully, his arms went around Kanan for the second time and held him tightly. Kanan went limp, and that just made Ezra feel even worse then he had previously because this wasn't just Kanan succumbing to just his physical pain, _no_ this was Kanan giving up. Or at least that was what he thought it meant.

"E-E-Ezra?" His Mentor said and Ezra could feel his concern for him outweigh everything else. "What's w-wrong?" The thing was, while he knew Ezra had to give Kanan an answer, he _didn't want_ too, he didn't want to tell Kanan what happened, about what Maul had done to him and what he made Ezra witness. He didn't want too, but he also didn't have a choice.

"You were _dead_... You're **_heart_** stopped beating."

Silence passed and Ezra continued to cling to Kanan, cling to the fact that Kanan was... yes, still injured and probably in an intense amount of pain but Kanan was alive and breathing and awake and just not dead. "W-What...?"

Ezra swallowed the lump in his throat and continued hesitantly, "Maul.." He sneered out angrily. "He brought me into the room they torture you in and... He made me watch— _Kanan_... He made me watch them stick that needle in your arm, he made me watch them torture you, made me watch you scream and I was begging for him to stop because I couldn't take it anymore and then your heart stop—" Ezra paused as his grip got tighter, and Ezra felt Kanan's own arms grasp his elbows in an act of comfort. "And then I felt this surge of energy and then next thing I knew Maul was unconscious... I was able to revive you by short-circuiting the shock collars around our necks by bring them up to max level—" Ezra bit his lower lip and closed his eyes, "Now we're hiding here, with Maul knocked out I figured that this is a good opportunity to escape."

The seventeen year old felt waves of _reassurance_ wash over his mind as his Master used the Force to calm him, he let out a shaky sigh as Kanan patted his back. "H-Hey, I'm okay." A choked laugh escaped Ezra's lips at those words, because they were a lie, Kanan was far from okay. "Really, I'm fine. And it's all thanks to you— I know it may not seem like it but I've had worse... I can't think of any right now but—" Kanan let out a raspy cough into his shoulder and Ezra waited patiently for the fit to pass.

"Kanan?"

"I-I'm fine." His Master said with a wary smile, from the white of his blind eyes Ezra saw the same reassurance as before. "So what's the plan?"

"We get our Lightsabers and get out."

Silence

"That's it?" The Jedi Knight said incredulously

Ezra rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, _yeah_. I haven't had the time to think of a full out plan, this could be our only chance so I don't want to take too long think and not acting, plus we need our Lightsabers."

"Their only objects." His Master said with a frown on his face.

"You once said that a Jedi's Lightsaber is an extension of a one's self." Ezra countered, feeling defensive. He knew that he was making a bigger deal about this then he should be, but when he lost first one by Vader he felt like he lost that part of himself, felt like he lost his innocence along with Ahsoka and Kanan's eyes. If he lost his current one to Maul he felt like he was going to lose the part of himself, his maturity the very thing that was trying so desperately to protect his family "You've had yours since forever and I've lost one already—"

"—And you can get yourself another one." Kanan retorted calmly and Ezra was about to reply when his Master place his hand on his shoulder. "If what you say about out time limit is true then we need to get to one of Maul's ships and get out of here now." Ezra clinched his hands into fist and bit his lower lip, feeling frustrated. Kanan squeezed his shoulder, "Our Lightsabers aren't worth our lives, Ezra. No matter how attached we are to them they are not worth risking our lives. I will not risk _your life_ on them, Ezra. **_Please..._** "

Ezra closed his eyes and let out a tired sigh, " _Fine..._ "

"Thank you." Kanan whispered giving the young Padawan a pat on the arm. "Now either of us knows exactly where Maul keeps his ships but as long as we are quiet then I think we'll be able to find them without getting spotted."

Ezra nodded as he stood up, "Okay, we'll move cautiously then." Gently he grabbed a hold of Kanan's arm and help him up, only for his Master to let out another gasp of pain and falling back onto the floor. "N-No, I'm f-fine. Give me a minute." Ezra's body stiffened as he heard five more Droids pass by.

That's when he came to a conclusion.

"No." He said as he shook his head, his mind already made up. "I'll go on my own." Kanan grabbed his wrist before he could even think about moving.

"You are not going out there alone—"

Ezra turned around and narrowed his eyes at the Jedi Knight. "Kanan, you're in no condition to be moving around right now. You say you're fine but you're _not_ , I know that you aren't."

"Ezra—"

" _I'll_ go find out where the ships are and I'll come right back and get you, I promise." There was no other way around it, if they wanted to escape then one of them was going to have to stay hidden while the other looked for Maul's ship. He watched as Kanan's face twisted with a mix of pain and frustration, the older Jedi sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair.

"Fine... But be cautious and stay alert."

"I'll be as quick and as quiet as a Loth-cat." Ezra stated as Kanan let go of his wrist and he moved towards the secret door.

"And stay in constant contact." Ezra couldn't help but smile at his Master over protectiveness, but then again that was Kanan. "With the collars destroyed we can use the Force to it's full extent and hear each others thoughts again."

Ezra nodded once again and walked out from the safety of their hideaway


	6. Chapter 6

Kanan hated the idea of Ezra going off on his own. But given the state he was currently in Kanan knew that there would be less of a risk towards Ezra if he stayed hidden compared to him going with him. But still... Kanan was worried, and it wasn't his parental instincts kicking in— well _it was_ but it wasn't _just_ all because of that. Kanan had a bad feeling about this whole thing. In any situation they had that included Maul always put him on edge and nervous. Because Maul knew the two of them the most, because unlike enemies they've dealt with in the past, Maul was unpredictable, he was manipulative, cunning and very smart.

And this plan to escape even if Ezra did manage to catch the Sith Lord off guard by releasing a huge amount of Force energy, and knocking him unconscious, the pit of dread and nervousness in Kanan's stomach didn't go away. Not that he doubted that they could get out or that they would ever get out— because they _**would**_ , Kanan would make sure of that. It's just that something didn't sit right with him.

_**"**_ _Kanan?_ _ **"**_ Ezra's voice rang through Kanan's mind, snapping him out of his thoughts. _**"**_ _You there?_ _ **"**_ Within their bond, the older Jedi could sense worry coming from Ezra, an obvious clue that the kid was still concerned on his well being.

Kanan inhaled softly, _ **"**_ _Yeah, sorry. I was... thinking._ _ **"**_ He admitted as he adjusted his position and grunted, his muscles ached and he bit his lip to keep from letting out a gasp from the pain. _**"**_ _I still don't like this idea._ _ **"**_ Among their shared link Kanan could sense _understanding_ coming from his Padawan.

_**"**_ _I know you don't, but it's the only plan we have._ _ **"**_ The Older Jedi nodded to himself, knowing that Ezra was right but still not liking the plan any less then he did before. _**"**_ _Kanan?_ _ **"**_

_**"**_ _Hm?_ _ **"**_ Kanan waited for the boy to continue speaking, abruptly the feeling of _apprehension_ brush against his mind, as well as hesitation.

_**"**_ _How are you feeling?_ _ **"**_ The teenager's voice was as small as it would be if they were speaking to each other directly. Ezra was worried, even as they spoke the kid was worried for him even though he himself was at danger of getting caught. And it was for that reason that the Older Jedi thought about lying to him, so Ezra could focus on the task at hand. But then Kanan also understood why Ezra was concerned for him, because according to his Padawan, he had died for a few short minutes. And it was for that reason that Kanan decided to tell the truth, because when has lying ever done any of them any good?

Kanan shifted and press his back up against the wall, before rubbing a hand a crossed his vacant eyes, the darkness his only physical company as it will forever be. _ **"**_ _About the same, but... at least I'm not getting any worse, right?_ _ **"**_

_**"**_ _Right..._ _ **"**_ The _concern_ , Kanan sensed, was still there among Ezra's swirling thoughts. _**"**_ _Kanan?_ _ **"**_

_**"** _ _Yes?_ _**"** _

_**"** _ _When Maul— Before... when_ _**he** _ _would take you and inject you with that serum. How many times... did he do it?_ _**"** _

The Jedi Knight closed his eyes and let out a puff of air as he regretfully remembered, _**"**_ _I lost count, honestly._ _ **"**_ Which was true, Maul took him back into that room so many times— even just in one day that he lost track of the amount of times he was pricked with those needles. _**"**_ _He never gave me a chance to_ _ **breathe**_ _before doing it all over again._ _ **"**_

_Sadness_ brushed against his mind, _**"**_ _Kanan, I—_ _ **"**_

A silence pasted abruptly, cutting off whatever Ezra was going to say Kanan waited patiently for a few moments as he had done last time, until his paranoia got the better of him and he spoke without hesitation.

_**"** _ _Ezra?_ _**"** _

Silence.

Kanan nails dug into his palms. _**"**_ _Ezra!_ _ **"**_ His tone frantic and urgent.

_**"** _ _Sorry, I had to sneak past these Droids._ _**"** _

Kanan breathed a sigh of relief. Raising his hand and clinched his chest, feeling it's fast pace beating against his fingertips. _**"**_ _I **told** you to stay in constant contact._ _ **"**_ He scolded as he tried to focus on steadying his breathing, he sensed _shock_ resonating with Ezra's mind and Kanan sighed, guilt stabbing at his heart. _**"**_ _Don't do that to me, kid._ _ **"**_ He muttered, making sure his voice was even and soft, like before as he sent calming waves to his Padawan. _**"**_ _I was worried._ _ **"**_

The _shock_ was then replaced with _understanding_ as well as _relief_. _**"**_ _Sorry._ _ **"**_

_**"**_ _It's alright._ _ **"**_ Which was also true, none of this was on Ezra. If anything this was Kanan's fault. But he would never let Ezra know that, the boy had enough on his mind at the moment. _**"**_ _Have you found anything yet?_ _ **"**_

_**"**_ _Maul obviously has gotten some upgraded Droids since the last time we meet him, but there's this one Droid that looks like the ones he had back when he captured Hera, Zeb and Sabine? And it has the words_ _ **Fleet Tender**_ _written on it so I'm following it to see if it can lead me to where Maul's ship is._ _ **"**_ Kanan brought his hand to his chin and rubbed it, thoughtfully as he listened to his student talk and explain what was going on on the outside.

_**"** _ _Stay cautious._ _**"** _

A few more minutes passed before Kanan can now sense Ezra's growing frustration reach his peak. _**"**_ _Ugh! It's like it's going in circles!_ _ **"**_

_**"**_ _Calm down, Ezra. Letting your anger get control of you isn't going to help._ _ **"**_ He soothed, his voice calm and assuring.

_**"** _ _I know... But this place is like a maze, how am I ever going to— Oh, wait! Kanan! I found it!_ _**"** _

**"** _Did you?_ _ **"**_ A huff of laughter escape him for the first time in so long, it was genuine and happy and it mixed with Ezra's own happiness within their connection. _**"**_ _That's great, Ezra. Now come back here and we'll— **"**_ A stab of white, hot pain cut him off from whatever he was going to say, but the pain wasn't coming from him. No, his own pain was still prominent and there and still _hurt_ , but the white-hot agony dulled long ago. No, this pain was coming from Ezra. That feeling of _dread_ washed over him again and his heart jumped into his throat because he knew now that something was _wrong_.

_**"** _ _Ezra!?_ _**"** _

Silence

Kanan reached out to the Force, trying to reconnect with his Padawan, reconnect with their bond that seemed to be clouded by a thick fog. _**"**_ _Ezra!?_ _ **"**_ He called out desperately, physically and mentally extending his hand to try and reach the teenager, but there was nothing. Realization slammed into him, because there could be only one reason as to what had happened. _Maul..._ He snarled out, forcing himself to his feet, forced away the dizzy spell that blackened his mind, forced away the aches and pain that his limps were screaming at him, he opened the door and tried his best to locate his boy, because Ezra needed him, because Ezra was in Maul's hands now and that scared the living _hell_ out of Kanan. The pounding of his heart and the fear laced throughout his veins wouldn't subside until he was together with his student again.

"Ezra!" He called out frantically, his voice still hoarse and gruff as he limped down the hallway, keep one hand outstretched in front of him and the other hand against the wall for support. Desperate to get to his Padawan but still having a clear head to not get caught, he paused, listened and waited then continued onward. It was only then that Kanan realized what Ezra had been talking about before, that this place was like a labyrinth but for him it was far worse, for the Jedi was basically stumbling around, grasping at straws, hoping he doesn't smack into anything or get caught himself.

Soon though, after what felt like eternity of him just walking through a blackened maze of nothingness, Kanan heard a groan. It was faint and he had to strain his ears just to hear it but it was there and it was _Ezra_ and Kanan breathed a sigh of relief that he had gotten to his boy first and not Maul. Because now that they were together, they could still escape this place.

Bolting forward, Kanan knelt down. Checking the kid over for injuries, his fingertips brushed over a two hole on Ezra's shoulder and the back of his abdomen. It was the same size of that of a Security Droids blaster. One of them must have caught the teenager off guard, they weren't serious injuries but they also weren't something that should be left untreated. Turning his Padawan around, he gently patted his cheek. "Ezra." Kanan's voice was soft as he tried to awaken the boy, "Wake up, kid."

A groan of pain seemed to be his only reply. Then a few seconds later— "K-Kanan?"

Kanan smiled, softly, gently as he always did. "Hey."

With Ezra fully awake, their connection was back. Immediately the Older Jedi felt _pain_ coming from the teenager, to which Kanan could sympathize with. But then not a millisecond later that _pain_ turned to utter _fear_. "Kanan—!" Ezra called out in warning, but before Kanan could dodge or move out of the way, two sets of robotic hands grasped arms and began pulling him away from Ezra.

" _No!_ " Kanan struggled to keep his physical contact with Ezra, his hands held the boy tightly against him, foolishly thinking that if he held on tight enough that they wouldn't separate them, and with small hands wrapping around his waist, it looked like Ezra was trying to do the same as the boy's grasped his shirt for dear life. But the Droids kept on pulling, then a third one appeared out of nowhere and began pulling at Ezra's arms as well. And when Kanan attempted to swat the Droid away, his grip _slipped_ ever so _slightly_ and Master and Padawan were separated once again.

He twisted, squirmed, forcing back the aching agony his body protested— screamed at him to stop _stop **stop**_. But Kanan couldn't stop, _wouldn't_ stop until he was free. "Ezra!"

"Kanan!"

"Ah, I feared this would happen." They both froze because they knew that voice. Because who else would it be but the Sith Lord himself. "I consider myself a gracious host, I gave you medical care, I allowed you both to stay within the same cell but I know now that was a mistake." Kanan glared in Maul's direction, hate boiled inside of him as he listened to his footsteps as they were getting closer to Ezra. A mixture of _fear_ and _anger_ erupted inside him. _Ezra Ezra Ezra!_

"Don't you _**dare**_ go near him!" He snarled angrily, his nails dug into his palms so hard, the skin broke and he felt small droplets of blood began to form.

Maul simply ignored him, as he always does. He got closer to the seventeen year old and full blown _terror_ slammed into Kanan, Ezra was scared— Ezra was **_terrified_** but Kanan didn't know why, didn't know the reason but that didn't stop him from fighting twice as hard to get away from Droids, jerking forward and yelling, cursing.

"Yes, I feared that I given you too much time together." Maul announced with a fake, exasperated sigh. "I believe some time apart will do you both some good." Then the Droids began pulled him backward.

"Make sure that Mr. Dume is _safe_ and _sound_ back in his cell." Maul ordered calmly. "Come, my apprentice." Kanan bit his lower lip as dread filled his insides, it overwhelmed his heart and his mind. They had been so close, _so close_ to getting out, to escaping this horrible place and being back with their family, this had been their only chance, their _last_ chance and now it was gone, because there was no way Maul was going to let something this happen again.

But it wasn't just dread that consumed him, the _fear_ wasnow back but it was even worse then before. Because Kanan was afraid, but not for himself, no _never_ for himself. But for his Padawan, for he feared of what Maul was going to do to him. His vacant eyes stung as he continued to fight a losing battle to get back to his— his _son_. Because that's who Ezra was to him, his Padawan, his student, his son that he never thought he'd have or deserved but still needs nonetheless.

And that knowledge— it hurt. By the Force, did it _hurt_. It cut at his heart and it physically _**hurt**_ to realize that he was absolutely helpless to do anything to help Ezra.

" _Kanan!_ "

" _ **Ezra!**_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I left this chapter off at a cliffhanger, forgive me. But I felt that this was the best place to end it until I write the next chapter.
> 
> I know this is just your run of the mill "Try to escape only to get caught" escape attempt, but there were some that wanted a chapter of Ezra and Kanan trying to get out of Maul's clutches, it just didn't go as well as they wanted it too. I really really wanted to write them getting out but I know —as well as you all should know too— that it isn't going to be that easy. And I wish I could tell you guys that Maul is done with his torment, but he's not, at the moment he's having too much fun, and he still has it in his head that he's going to turn Ezra over to his side by whatever means necessary, but he's wrong and we know he's wrong. And he'll realize that soon, though that realization might... anger him.
> 
> Anywoo, thoughts?
> 
> If you loved this chapter, please tell me what you thought in some reviews and I shall be seeing you all in the next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning for this chapter I think needs to be made so
> 
> Warning: Horribly dark and sickening stuff ahead, guys, please tread cautiously and with care.

Something poked his cheek, not hard enough to hurt but enough to wake him from his slumber. The touch was so light and barely even there but Kanan felt it regardless. "Time to wake up." A voice spoke out abruptly, scaring him enough that he almost jumped out of his skin.

"Come, my Padawan. It's time to wake up."

His heart nearly stopped. "M-Master?"

"Of course, Caleb. Who else would it be?"

His heart ached, it ached so bad for the Master he lost, the woman he thought of as his mother he never got to know. "Master, I wish I could see you again." He bowed his head and felt such shame for leaving her behind, leaving her to die while he got to live.

"What do you mean, Padawan? You can see, you're eyes are just closed. Open them."

Kanan obeyed instantly and opened them.

The first thing he saw was Billaba's face smiling up at him. She looked nothing as to how she was when she died, she looked older and fragile but how could that be? "Master, I do not understand."

"Come now, Caleb. We must go." She extended her hand to him and he took it, feeling as though he was fourteen years old again.

"Where are we going?" He inquired, curiously.

She smiled at him, "Home, my Padawan. We are going home. To the Jedi Temple, where we belong." She replied as her slim finger wrapped around his shoulders. _Home,_ oh how that one word is music to Caleb's ears... To his fellow Jedi friends, to Master Obi-wan and Master Yoda. He'd do anything to go back home again with his Master. He walked with her, happy to be by her side once again.

When he remembered something very important, some _one_ very important to him. "Wait, what about Ezra?"

His Master stopped along with him. "Who's Ezra?"

"He's my Padawan, Master."

"So you have a Padawan of your own? I knew you would one day."

Caleb smiled, proudly and turned around to find exactly where his student was. "So where is he?" His Master asked her voice sounding strange but he didn't think to much of it as he tried to figure out why he couldn't remember anything. "He's— He's with..." His breathe hitched in his throat, as he finally remembered. "He's with Maul."

"That's right." Caleb turned around and faced Depa. But was only graced with a younger version of her, the one who he had watched die in front of him, the one who told him to run and not look back. He gazed at her, horrified. Her robes were torn and she had a hole in the side of her temple as blood spilled down her face, he gagged.

"You killed me, Caleb. My death was your fault."

"No, you ordered me to leave! I didn't—"

"You lost me at the hands of our own Troopers and now you will lose your own Padawan to Maul."

Caleb— no _Kanan_ gripped the sides of his head and pulled at his hair, "NO! Stop it, Master! **_Please!_** " Among his inner turmoil, Kanan heard the sound of a Lightsaber being drawn. Glancing up, he saw nothing but a flash of green and Kanan awoke with a ear-shattering scream as he jumped to his feet and brought a hand towards his eyes, panting uncontrollably the older Jedi opened them he saw darkness, his other hand moved along the wall and felt the bars on his cell.

Kanan inhaled a deep, shaky breathe. _Nightmare_ , _or_ _maybe_ _it_ _was_ _another_ _hallucination?_ He thought, exhausted and confused as he sat back down on the cold ground and pressed his sweaty back against the cool metal wall. They had been here for three weeks— at least that's what the Droids have been informing him after each day rolled by. But Kanan didn't care about that, he didn't care about anything except Ezra. His crushing fear of what exactly Maul was doing to his Padawan was sending Kanan into a frenzy. Because he sensed his student's terror and that almost sent him into a fit of full blown parental instinct. Because _Maul_ was with _**Ezra**_. That evil, _horrible_ Sith was with _his Padawan_ and he couldn't cope with that fear of something happening.

When the Droids came by to announced his fifth week being among Maul's capture, the strange thing about that announcement was that Kanan found himself laughing as he listened to them leave without another word. The laugh itself was filled with _bitterness_ and a hysteria he never knew existed inside himself. And among them Kanan could feel himself slowly slipping into madness. Which was ironic, because the physical torment Maul inflicted on him had been excruciating and actually had stopped his heart and killed him but yet as he sat alone in the permanent darkness with nothing but his own thoughts of guilt and anger Kanan noticed that this isolation was far worse then those needles, he'd gladly take that torment over this any _damn_ day, because that was real, _physical_ and _**there**_. But here, by himself, the older Jedi was having trouble figuring out what was truly real and what wasn't. At one point he even started hallucinating. He kept seeing Hera as well as Zeb, Sabine, his Master and Rex too. He'd find himself back on the Ghost and seeing that everything was normal, there were even moments where his Master would appear with his crew and they'd all share a few drinks and laugh.

Selfishly, in those moments, Kanan felt happy and safe more then he has ever felt since being captured by Maul. But even in his hallucinogenic world filled with safety and security, he always snapped himself back out, knowing that it's not real, that he can't live inside a fantasy, still though that constant realization hurts every single time. But now that it seemed that he was having trouble figuring out what was a dream and what was a hallucination, it was even more urgent that he fight off his desires to stay from his dreams, his fantasy world, otherwise he'll lose himself and never find Ezra.

Standing up and beginning his usual pacing, Kanan came to another realization. What Maul had done to him and the mental torment he inflicted on Ezra with vision of his family dying. All of that was bad, it was horrible and traumatizing but at least at the end of the day, they had each other afterwards, they gave each other comfort and safety. But now they didn't, now it's no longer Kanan and Ezra, together. It's just Kanan. And it's just Ezra.

And that was terrifying for Kanan to think about.

A long time passed before the doors to his cell opened again and Kanan didn't even need to look up to know exactly who it was. The emotions of _hate_ and _rage_ slammed into him so fast that Kanan jumped to his feet, barring his teeth and glaring towards Maul's direction. " _Where's Ezra?_ " He snarled out, his tone demanding.

"Spending some quality time with me." Maul said calmly. "He is, after all, my Padawan."

Kanan clinched his teeth together, his hands clinched into fists. "He's. _Not_ Your. Padawan."

Maul let out a long, cocky, chuckle. "Are you sure about that?" Sounding _happy_ and... triumphant? His eyes widened, and the fear exploded from within, turning his blood cold. "What did you do?" He accused quietly.

"It took sometime, and I must admit that his loyalty towards you caused my frustration to overwhelm me to the point where I used a _method_ I never have done before but it proved to be very— effective." Maul simply stated with a smooth, calm voice. The fear was gone and now the anger set in. "What did you do to my son!?" His limps seemed to move on their own as he felt himself charging forward towards the Sith Lord but he only succeeded in smacking into the cell door. But he recovered quickly and continued his pointless assault until he himself being flung backward, his back hitting the wall and Kanan crashed to the floor.

"You're son? Come now, Master Jedi. Why would any child want someone as useless and stubborn like you as their father? Why, it's utter absurdity." Maul laughed and started walking away. "Wh-What did you-you do to him?" He asked on last time, his voice almost begging.

Kanan heard Maul's footsteps stopped, "I broke him." Came his chilling reply that sent shivers down his spine. Because that meant everything, it meant that he has lost his Padawan for good this time, it meant that Maul had finally won, but mostly it meant that Kanan had failed. His worst fear next to watching his family dying was knowing that he failed them. That his failure would lead to their demise.

Curling into himself, Kanan wrapped his arms around his legs and for the first time in years, Kanan Jarrus broke as well and sobbed himself to sleep. But soon a voice woke him up hours later, it was calm and feminine and so familiar. He recognized it immediately, "H-Hera?" He croaked out, his voice felt raw and burned. Automatically, reaching outwards towards her because _Oh Force_ did he miss her.

"Love." Hera said her tone filled with fondness and love for him and it made his eyes sting. "You've been sleeping for a while now, it's time to get up."

Kanan tried, he tried standing up upon her request, but his limps shook and they felt like liquid, he sank back to the ground. "I can't."

"The word ' _can't_ ' has never been a part of your vocabulary, Kanan. We have to go." He felt her extend her hand out to him and he reached for it but was only met with empty air. Oh, right, he should have realized. "You're not real, this is just another trick my mind it playing on me, just like with Master Billaba." A warm, slender hand fell against his cheek. He leaned into the touch as his throat felt felt and his eyes started to sting yet again. He raised his hand to cling to hers but his fingers only passed through air. "I don't understand." He moaned out, miserably. "You're not real... are you?"

Fake!Hera's thumb rubbed against his face, "Maybe or maybe not. It all depends if you open your eyes."

Kanan blinked owlishly, confused. "My eyes are open, Hera. But it doesn't matter... I'm blind, remember?" The older Jedi felt Hera cup the other side of his face with her hand.

"No, love. Listen, open your eyes." Her voice firm and sounded so desperate and firm that he found himself obeying immediately just as before. He closed his eyes.

"Kanan!" Hera's voice was loud and frantic, he felt hands on his shoulders, shaking him. "Zeb! Rex! I found him!" Curious as to why Fake!Hera was suddenly acting this way, Kanan opened his eyes, but unsurprisingly he found only darkness to be his only companion. "Kanan, can you hear me?"

"Yes, of course. Why would you—" His words were cut off by a pair of arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him close. His body stiffened, not knowing how to react.

"You scared me half to death." Her voice cracked and she sounded to be on the verge of tears. "You've been gone for almost a month, we thought you were dead... I thought you were dead."

But Kanan still couldn't tell if this was real or not. "Hera?" He asked sounding almost scared of the answer she would give. "Are you... real?" The embrace was broke immediately upon those words as Hera cupped his face just like before.

"Of course I'm real, Kanan! What's wrong? I saw the burns on your body, what did Maul do to you?" She asked her voice frantic and filled with such concern that Kanan foolishly reached out with his hand, wanting to give her some comfort even though he knew it was pointless, since the Hera in front of him wasn't- His heart nearly stopped when his fingers brushed against her cheek. He pulled back, shocked because he has never been able to do that all those times before. Where he reaches out only to find empty air. This was solid, this was real. Hera was real and was right in front of him.

He couldn't believe it, "H-H-Hera?" His voice a quivering mess of emotions. He cupped her cheeks and laughed wetly as tears spilled down his face when he felt Hera's own fingers fold between his.

"Kanan, what's—" Hera started to ask but Kanan cut her off by pressing his lips to hers. He smiled when he felt her return it with the same fierceness he had. His heart ached, it burn and it hurt from all the emotions he was feeling. _Relief, happiness, sadness, love,_ he showed it all in this one kiss to her, the Twi'lek he fell in love with long ago and for the life of him Kanan couldn't figure out why he waited so long to do this in the first place. A sob escaped his lips as he broke off the kiss, his body began trembling and he buried his forehead into the croak of Hera's neck and cried. Hera embraced him and rubbed the back of his neck with her fingers as gently as she could, trying to mind his injuries.

A furry hand pressed against his shoulder. "It's alright, mate. You're safe now." While another hand fell on his other one shoulder and patted his back slowly.

"Don't worry, buddy. Everything is going to be okay. Where's Ezra?"

The question made Kanan jump to his feet, fear and terror laced within his vein and stabbed at his heart as he remembered Maul's words to him. _"I broke him."_ and "My frustration." He moved to walk but he swayed and nearly crashed to the floor if it hadn't been for Zeb and Rex holding him up. "Ezra— **_Maul_ ** has Ezra. We need to go _now_!" Kanan demanded with such authority that even Rex flinched at his tone but Kansan would apologize later for his outburst right now they needed to find Maul because Maul did something to Ezra, he did something horrible to his Padawan and he had to get to him fast before it was too late.

"Right away, Kanan." Zeb said, calmly as Kanan allowed Rex and Zeb lead him outside into the halls. Immediately, Kanan felt something, it so very faint, almost barely there but it felt like he was being lead somewhere. At first he thought it was Ezra, that Ezra was lead him to where he was, but Kanan soon realized that he still couldn't feel or sense his Padawan's presence. His parental instincts kicking into overdrive Kanan started running. And he didn't stop, not even Hera calling out to him about his injuries and that he needed to take things slow was enough to stop him.

"Chopper was able to find Ezra." Came Sabine's voice as she ran up behind him next to Hera. "He's somewhere in the west wing of this place." But Kanan didn't need to be told that, he already knew exactly where he was going.

"This way!" He told his crew members, whom were close on his heels, probably just in case he collapsed again they could be there to help. But he wasn't the one in need of help right now, Ezra was. Running down each corridor this time around was different compared to last time before, for some reason things felt different, more urgent to the point Kanan didn't care if he bumped into walls, he didn't care they were spotted, he didn't care if he didn't have his Lightsaber, he'd fight every single Droid and Maul himself to get to Ezra.

The more he got closer to where his student was, the more Kanan felt their bond start to reform and reconnect like it had before. As he turned to his right, the older Jedi felt that same pull of the Force guiding him a door. "Ezra!" He called out, reaching out with the Force to find the teenager, Kanan wasted no time in rushing to his side. "Thank goodness, I was so worried about you!" Behind him he heard Hera let out a loud gasp, Zeb growled out a few Lasat swear words and Rex punched a wall. "What?" He asked, wondering why they were acting like this. "What is it?"

"Kanan." Hera said slowly and cautiously. "Ezra's clothes are gone. He's bleeding, but not anywhere near his upper body, it's down lower and his Lightsaber is on the ground and it has bl—" She abruptly cut herself off and Kanan could feel her _horror_ and _anger_ and _heartbreak_.

"Dammit! Kriffing dammit! I can't believe Maul would do something like this to the kid, what the _**kriff**_!?"

"He's dead! I'm killin' him."

Baffled and his own concern spiking, Kanan turned back to his Padawan and reached out and touched his cheek. Ezra's reaction, instantaneous. The seventeen year old screamed and scrambled away from him. And Kanan felt as though he'd been stabbed in the heart, for Ezra had never done that and it hurt. Extending his hand out, he reached for their connection, and called out to Ezra. Immediately, Kanan was slammed with various emotions coming from his son, every single one came at him so hard it nearly knocked him backwards.

_Disgust_

_Don't look at me_

_Ugly_

_Repulsed_

_Broken_

_Shame_

_Get_ _**away** _

Kanan's heart shattered into pieces as the blood freezing realization set in and he knew exactly what horrific things Maul had done to his Padawan while they were separated. Maul had... he'd done the unfathomable and took away the last of Ezra's innocence, tore it away and killed it slowly. "Oh _Ezra..._ " Fresh tears cascaded down his cheeks as he brushed his knuckles a crossed the boy's cheek. His heart ached when he felt the kid flinch away but couldn't go anywhere because his back was already backed against the wall. He cupped Ezra's cheeks and laid his forehead against his students and closed his eyes. Kanan sent waves upon waves of _love_ , _safety_ and _warmth_ to him. "It's alright, Ezra. I'm here now. Everything is going to be alright." He said aloud and within their bond. "Come back to us, come back to me. Please."

"How touching." At the sadistic, evil voice, he was up on his feet in an instant and before he even knew what was happening he reached out to the Force, to his Lightsaber and summoned it to his hand, wasting no time in igniting it.

" _Maul._ " A sound that sounded monster-like tore from his throat. He rushed forward, but this time he knew exactly where he was heading so when Mual tried to dodge out of the way Kanan was reading and blocked him. "What you did to Ezra— How _**dare**_ you, he's just a kid!"

Maul laughed and Kanan felt the Sith Lord block his Lightsaber with his own. "It was his own fault. As I said Ezra's loyalty towards you was so strong, he refused to be mine so in my state of overwhelming frustration and anger I did something and it worked perfectly." Kanan's eye twitched and he bared his teeth like a caged animal and continued his assault. "He's mine now."

Something broke within Kanan, his composure snapped in two at those last three words. The darkness he saw constantly within his eyes changed to a blood red. A scream of pure rage tore from his throat as he used the Force to push Maul back against the wall. Without any hesitation, Kanan raised his Lightsaber and swung it hard a crossed Maul's throat, but even as Kanan sense the life leave the Sith Lord's body, he didn't stop there. He kept on attacking, his sanity and remorse completely gone. It was overkill and Kanan knew that, but he didn't care. _He's not yours, he will never be yours because Ezra belongs to no one._ He screamed inside his mind as his face felt wet and he tasted a metallic iron on his lips.

A hand fell on his shoulder. "Kanan..." Kanan turned to the voice, turned to Hera. His breathes coming out in gasps of air, slowly his Lightsaber fell from his hand, hitting the floor with a loud _clang!_ as his emotions finally caught up with him and instant tears fell from his eyes one stream after the other, she wipes them away with the pads of her thumbs and kissed his forehead.

A whimper snapped him out of his state of grieve over all he's been through. It was broken, it was petrified and inaudible but the older Jedi heard it none the less. He tore himself away from Hera and was at his Padawan's side in a millisecond, his hands hovered over his student, wanting to comfort him but not wanting to scare him like he'd done the last time. "Ezra?" His voice but a murmur as he sent an ocean of _comfort_ and _love, security_ and _safety_ towards the teenager. _**"** Please, hear me. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. What Maul did to you- What he did to us both... We'll get through this, son. Like we always have. **"**_ He pushed against Ezra's mind, against their bond that bounded them together, trying to get some sort of response, to see if the young boy he took in and cared for was still in there **_somewhere_**.

And then a few agonizing moments later, he felt it.

A push back against his mind.

It was light and just a tap but Kanan felt it.

"D-Dad?" Hearing the voice aloud with his own ears and from within his own mind as well, Kanan laughed with slight hysteria. It felt as though he was going to pass out from the relief that washed over him.

"I'm here, Ezra." Kanan confirmed to his Padawan as he carded his fingers through the teens ridiculously short hair and cupped his neck. He felt the boy's own hand reach up and grasp his wrist and held on tightly.

"Good." Was Ezra's only answer before abruptly collapsed against him. And Kanan held him, as he rubbed his hands on Ezra's back was, in fact, bare. That what Hera had told him moments ago was true. Fresh tears formed in Kanan's eyes and spilled down his face as he brought the boy closer to his chest and held onto him fiercely, desperately wanting to shield him from the world and what the two of them have gone through. Burrowing his face into Ezra's hair, he planted chaste kisses upon it, they were sad and filled with love and care.

Kana felt another hand fall onto his shoulder, but this time it wasn't Hera who was giving him comfort, it was Rex. The man he once thought he couldn't trust because he was a Clone Trooper, that was now his best friend was now there for him, giving Kanan comfort just like any brother would.

"C'mon, buddy. Let's go home."

Swallowing the lump in his throat at the word, he closed his eyes and took a breathe before slowly letting it out before nodding his head.

"Yeah, let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rubs face* God...
> 
> This chapter has left me emotionally drained right now. Like this was hard for me to right, even just implying it because even though nothing is shown, we all still know exactly what Maul did. I apologize immensely if I offended anyone or went too far with this. I am truly sorry. 
> 
> But trust me, this will have a happy ending, I promise. Just know that Kanan and Ezra are finally free from Maul's clutches, (yes, I killed that evil cockroach) and back with their family. Now the healing can begin but it isn't going to be easy. Nothing liek what they went though ever is easy to bounce back from.
> 
> Anywoo, thoughts? Please if it isn't too much trouble of you can leave them in a comment I would love to see what you all have to say because they are always appreciated. And I will see you all soon
> 
> I know this sounds strange to say giving how.... Dark this chapter was but—
> 
> Happy Holidays, everyone!


	8. Chapter 8

_Pain_

_"S-Stop!" He cried out, tears cascading down his face as he attempted to move but the body on top of him prevented him from doing so._

_"Hush now, Padawan."_

_Agony_

_"You are mine now, my apprentice."_

_Make it_ _**stop** _

_White hot suffering continued for hours, days even. He cried out for help, to anyone but no one came. While Maul continued to say the same thing into his ear._

_"You belong to me, Ezra."_

_He screamed as the agony came back full force and without mercy. "Please! St-Stop!" He begged and pleaded, his voice breaking as he felt Maul... use Ezra's Lightsaber— violently... he tried to push Maul away but it was no use, he just didn't have the strength. "Kanan!" He cried pathetically. "Dad, help me!"_

_"You're Master can not hear you, or should I say former Master?"_

_Ezra's breathed hitched as his heart stopped. "You didn't—"_

_The smile on Maul's face was sadistic and overjoyed, delighted. He broke down in gut wrenching moans as the tears fell down his cheeks, his heart shattering into pieces as he screamed for a different reason now._

_Not Kanan_

_Please not him... Not his father..._

_"He has passed."_

_"NO!" Ezra screamed in anguish._

_But Maul only laughed loudly, his breathe hot against his ear, not even caring that Ezra was broken on the inside at knowing Kanan was gone, gone for good this time. The sick smile on Maul's face made Ezra sick to his stomach. It was filled with so much **delight** and **triumph** that **anger** boiled with his heart, how dare this monster get enjoyment out of Kanan's death, out of his own misery and heartbreak. _

_"You are mine." And then he was summoning the Force, he summoned it to his hand and used it to slam the Sith Kord up against the wall, he choked him, his eyes glaring daggers at Maul, his rage unyielding._

_Ezra blinked and—_

_**Wait, what?** _

_He shook his head confused when—_

_He saw Maul transform into—_

Rex... suspended in the air, gasping for breathe. Ezra let out a gasp as he realized quickly that he almost killed Rex, thinking it was Darth Maul. Rex had almost died because of him. Immediately, Ezra put his hand down and Rex went crashing to the floor. A hand fell against his shoulder and Ezra couldn't help but let out a shriek, his skin crawling— burning, while entire was filled with agony and _Dear_ _Force_ it _**ached**_.

"It's okay, kid. It's Zeb. Everythin' is alright."

"Ze-Zeb?" Ezra croaked out, turning his head to face the Lasat. "That you?" His voice hoarse as it was filled with equal parts of _hope_ and _fear_. Zeb gave him a toothy smile and rubbed the back of his neck.

"O'course it's me, kid. Who else would it be?"

"Maul..." Ezra stated flatly. He watched as Zeb's ears moved downward and his eyes became dark, angry. "I... I _thought_ it was Maul— He was... Rex—?" He said the name with the same spill of emotions as he turned to the Clone Trooper that was already being helped to his feet by Sabine and Hera. "You— Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"My back's a little sore, along with my pride but I'm okay."

 _Guilt_ and _shame_ clinched at Ezra's heart. Because wasn't that just his luck? To hurt one of his friends. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean too... do any of this."

He watched Rex wave off his apology, "It's fine, Ezra. No harm done."

Ezra nodded, still feeling guilty that he had done something like that to one of his family members. "Good... Good. I'm glad that I didn't hurt any of you... Like— Like what Maul did..." Instant tears formed in his eyes, as he remembered exactly what happened to him.

"Aw, kid." He heard Zeb say, sadly. His big, furry arms wrapped around him and pulled him into a hug. For a second time, Ezra felt his skin crawl, his heart raced in his chest and he had to bit down on his cheek to keep from screaming again. His body became stiff as a piece of metal but Zeb said nothing through it all.

Soon though, when his heart stopped racing and his breathing even out, Ezra found himself hugging the Lazsat back tightly as his emotions spilled out of him in thick, broken tears that dripped down his chin. "I'm— I'm so h- _happy_ to see you-u guys." He stuttered, his tone utterly overjoyed and sad at the same time. Because Ezra had all but given up hope in ever seeing the rest of his crew members again. His fingers dug into Zeb's purple fur as he continued to soak in the comfort of his family.

"We're glad your back too, Ezra." Hera said calmly as she rubbed his back, gently.

"Yeah, things weren't the same around here without you and Kanan." Sabine agreed, running her fingers through his hair. Then reality came crashing down on him like a burning building. His cries of _happiness_ turned to ones of _despair_. Because none of them knew that Kanan— that Kanan was gone...

Pushing away from Zeb, Ezra sobbed into his hands.

Immediately, his family went to his side bombarding him with questions on what was wrong and if they needed to get the medical Droids. But the young Padawan wasn't listening to them, he was too consumed with grief to do anything but cry. "Kan-Kanan... Maul _**killed**_ Kanan!" He cried loudly, his breathing came out in hitches as he realized that it was getting difficult to inhale without hurting.

"He told me that when he was—" He choked, he gagged on the word, as he cries echoed off the walls. "It's my fault! He's dead because of me!" He could feel his heart pounding in his ears and his chest ached.

Then someone was grabbing him by the shoulders. He tried to move away, instantly afraid for his life but the hands were insistent as they cupped his face and saw that it was Rex, "Ezra, I need you to breathe, okay? You're having panic attack, _breathe_ with me." Rex instructed, his voice firm but gentle at the same time it, the tone reminded him so much of Kanan that Ezra listened to it, craving that calm parental voice that Kanan, Rex and even Hera were known to have. He took in short, shallow breathes, only lasting a few minutes before he was able to fully mimic Rex's own breathing as Rex tapped his cheek to get Ezra's attention. He obeyed and looked at the old Clone Trooper and exhaled one final breathe as his heart rate went back to it's normal tempo.

"You okay now?" Rex inquired, softly, almost tiredly.

Letting out a small sob, Ezra nodded slowly. He wiped at the tears still streaming down his face and licked his cracked lips. "Y-Yeah."

Rex smiles sympathetically and patted his shoulder. "Good." He said as he inhaled rather deeply and let it out. "Now, listen closely, lad. What Maul told you? Itwas a lie, Kanan's fine."

Ezra's blue eyes widened at those words, "Wha-What?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing? Kanan alive? Was it even possible? "But—" His voice caught in his throat, his confusion left him reeling and dizzy. But Maul had been so confident with his statement, "No, Maul— Kanan... is it—?" Maul had been so delighted and happy when he broke the news to a defenseless and traumatized Padawan.

But then maybe that was it, maybe that was the only reason he said those words, maybe it was _because_ he was broken and traumatized that Maul, being the sadistic monster he was, decided to tell Ezra a little lie that his Master was dead to push him over the edge, when in reality Kanan had been alive this whole time. Only as a means to further his succumb to Maul's hand. But still, he was cautious, still he built up the walls around his heart as to not get his hopes up that Kanan could be alive. "Are you sure?"

Rex nodded, "Yeah, we found him first before we found you."

A lump grew in his throat when he searched all their emotions and found that they were all telling the truth, Kanan was alive. They had gotten out of that nightmare together after all. "Where— Where is he?" Gazing at them with such desperation.

"He's in the UEC, an area we built here on Attoton for patients with unknown chemical exposure." A voice suddenly spoke out of no where, making Ezra jump only to relax a couple seconds later when he saw that it was only Commander Sato. "Whatever Maul injected inside Mr. Jarrus, seems to have damaged his skin cells, as well as some internal organ, but until we know further we must keep him quarantined, normally we wouldn't do this since your crew seemed to be fine but for the safety of everyone else here on Chopper Base, we have too." Their Commander explained, walking over he placed his hand on the teen's shoulder. "Are you well, Mr. Bridger?"

Quite frankly, no he wasn't well. His body ached and everything _hurt_ but he wasn't about to tell them that. So instead, Ezra merely nodded his head. "I'm okay." He lied through his teeth. "Can I see him?" Looking towards them all, his eyes pleading, hopeful. Ezra watched his family look at each other, then Hera ran a hand through his hair.

"Sure, but only for a few minutes. Okay?"

Ezra nodded once again and moved the blanket that was covering his legs— his heart lurched, jumping into his throats when he saw the deep cuts that were still raw against his skin, he also saw the cast that covered one of them. And he remembered why Maul had done that, it was to prevent him from running away.

Closing his eyes, he forced himself to keep going, slowly he moved his legs, his hips all the while trying to ignore the searing pain that throbbed that seemed to travel down his lower body, starting from one burning point and then back again. His throat became overwhelmingly tight as he knew what Maul did to him would haunt him, hell it was happening already in his nightmares.

He gripped the railing of the bed until his knuckles turned white, as he stood there shaking. Tormented by his inner demons. Then he watched as Sabine brought over a hoverchair. Commander Sato gave him a look of sympathy, "You're injuries... They will also take some time to heal. In the mean time use this as a means to get around." Ezra smiled, grateful but it was one that didn't fully reach his eyes. "Thank you, Commander." He said as he sat down on the hoverchair and moved it out the door and into the halls of Chopper Base. He felt a familiar sense of nostalgia as he gazed at the flooring and the long corridor, turning his head Ezra saw his reflection in one of the windows.

He stopped abruptly, because for the first time Ezra was able to get a good look at himself since being captured by Maul. His usual tan skin was paler then it had been before all this happened, his face was sunken in from the food or lack there of that the Sith Lord never provided for him. Ezra couldn't help but gag, he looked ugly, broken, in pieces. Shameful. He looked at himself, really looked at himself and it only disgusted him more. His skin, his face, his eyes. The part of him that had been violated mercilessly. All were the result of Maul and his sadistic obsession with wanting power, revenge, with wanting Ezra.

"Ezra?" Zeb asked softly his furry hand fell against his shoulder. "You okay?"

Shaking his head, Ezra put up a front, a facade. "Yeah, so how long have I been out for?" Looking at Hera, who downcasted her gaze to the floor in thought.

"You've been out since we rescued you from Maul's base. And that was three days ago? And Kanan collapsed a little over an hour after we arrived on Atollon, so you both have been unconscious for a while."

"How _is_ Kanan?"

"The medical Droid said that along with the chemical burns and damaged organs, there was also some scaring from some high voltage electric shocks to his system." Ezra lowered his eyes and looked at the floor once more, feeling ashamed of himself.

"Actually... I think those could have been my fault."

"Ezra, it's not—" Sabine started to say but Ezra interrupted her as he turned his hoverchair around to face them all.

"No, really. Those scars _**are**_ my fault. Maul... put these shock collars on Kanan and I to prevent us from using the Force." He cleared his throat before he continued, "When Kanan was getting injected with that chemical, Maul—" He paused to lick his lips and folded his hands together. "—Made me watch and— Kanan's heart stopped. I felt him _die_ and I used those shock collars to... to bring him back."

"Hm, that would actually explain the similar scars along your body as well." Sato mumbled under his breathe.

"—Ezra..." Sabine and Hera said simultaneously, as Hera reached out her hand to touch him. He turned the chair around and continued down the hallway. "It's fine. I just need to get to Kanan."

No one argued with him.

No one stopped him or tried to get him to talk any further. The rest of the way to the UEC was spent in silence. Until a scream pierced through the air and cause Ezra's heart to lurch into his throat. It was loud, in raged and distraught.

Immediately, Ezra knew. It was Kanan and it caused his heart to lurch into his throat because he never has heard Kanan ever make a sound like that. He made the hoverchair go faster as he followed the screaming, all the while his friends were running behind him, telling him to stop.

"Ezra, hold on!"

"Not so fast, kid!"

But Ezra wasn't listening.

He was too focused on his goal, on getting to Kanan, because his Master needed his help.

"Kanan!" He called out as he rounded the corner and saw in one of the windows from inside the UEC that Kanan was standing on his feet, backed into a corner his Lightsaber ignited and held at the ready, held in a stance of offense. As Ezra moved closer, he noticed that Kanan's skin was even paler then his own, which made the scars on his body that much more deep and gruesome.

Ezra sensed _confusion_ , _fear_ and _anger_ coming from his Master as the medical droids and nurses were cautiously approaching him. "Mr. Jarrus, you must calm down." addressed one of the nurses dressed in suits as he attempted to take a step forward but Kanan used the Force and pushed him back against the wall.

" _Stay away from me!_ " Kanan snarled out, venomously. Among the emotions coming from Kanan, the young Padawan could also feel _pain_ and a sickness, as though his Master was ill with a fever. "Where am I!? Where's my crew!?" The tone of Kanan's voice was deadly threatening so much that even the Droids were backing away. Ezra watched as Kanan cringed, holding the side of his head, he turned and coughed into his arm. "No... What's— ** _Where_** is my _Padawan_!? _Ezra!?_ "

At the call of his name, Ezra moved into the room without hesitation.

"Kanan!"

Instantly, the older Jedi jerked his head towards his voice. He reached out his hand and Ezra felt Kanan using the Force, to check if it was really him. And by the way his Lightsaber clatter to the floor, he'd say that his Master got his answer.

Kanan walked forward, the closer he got the more Ezra could see that yes, Kanan looked sick. Very sick. "Ezra?"

Said Padawan reached his own hand out, moving his hoverchair just a little closer. "Right here, Master."

Kanan collapsed to his knees, he looked like he was on the verge of vomiting but that didn't stop him from extending his arms and placing them on Ezra's cheeks. Without his mask on, Ezra was able to see the tears forming in his hazy, blind eyes. "E-Ezra... I _thought_ —" His Master stuttered out, his voice cracking with emotion. "I'm sorry... What Maul did to you— I'm so _sorry_." The Padawan closed his eyes, the physical pain was equally tormenting while his body throbbed from remembrance. He felt nauseous as his lower end burned, he gagged for the second time that day. Raising his hands, he grasped Kanan's upper arms, bowing his head in anguish as he realized then that Kanan was always going to blame himself for this, for what happened to them. "It's... okay." He whispered, his voice small and grief stricken. His vision blurred, as his own tears filled them. "This wasn't your fault." He whispered, his voice small and grief stricken. "But you need to calm down, you're sick. You're hallucinating—"

" _I'm not crazy!_ " Kanan blurted out abruptly as the Jedi Knight jerked back fearfully almost falling into his rear end if Ezra wasn't holding onto his arms. The sudden action almost cause Ezra to jump as well but he stay firm and held onto his Master so that he wouldn't fall. "I'm _not_ crazy... _**please**_... I'm not—" The voice that left Kanan's mouth was quiet and barely there. And for the first time, Ezra heard a young Caleb Dume within it. A young Caleb who was scared and confused. Along with something else he couldn't identify, something that he was sure he would need to talk about with Kanan later.

"I didn't say you were, Kanan." Ezra reassured, calmly. "I meant you have a fever, you're pale. You need to let the medical Droids take care of you. Please, dad." He spoke out, hopeful.

A look of realization appeared a crossed Kanan's face at that one word. Gently, he placed his forehead against Ezra's and they both closed their eyes simultaneously, remaining that way for a few long moments, before Kanan nodded and he let the nurses and Droids lead his back to bed.

He felt someone pat his back, "Nice job, lad." Rex praised, gently. Ezra turned his head and saw that he was smiling. The younger returned the smile half heartedly as he moved over towards the side of his father's bed side, his hand reaching out instinctively and took Kanan's hand in his own and held it tightly as he watched the Older Jedi settle down in the bed, his heart rate finally calming down. He laid his head on Kanan's shoulder and took in a deep, shallow breathe. His eyes slipped close and his mind wondered to when he had thought Kanan had _**died**_ at the hands of those injections, Ezra felt nauseated because his father had almost died, he almost lost someone so close to him. He remembered how broken he felt when Kanan's heart stopped and their connection was severed.

A lump grew in his throat, as he recalled the very moment Maul told him that Kanan was gone as he cruelly tortured him, how much it hurt. How it shattered him. "Kanan." He said quietly. " _Kanan, Kanan. Kanan._ " His voice above a whisper. Fingers brushed up against the side of his hair and smoothed it back, gently pulling him closer. Into a tiny bubble of safety.

"It's okay, Ezra. You're okay." Kanan's voice was strained, but it still held the same love and comfort Ezra always craved.

"Am I?" Ezra said quietly, he clinched his teeth together and felt his eyes begin to burn, finally he lifted his head up after a moment of silence. "Are you?" He murmured, sadly, but Kanan was already asleep. Ezra gazed at the scars that permanently marked his father's body, and the _guilt_ came crashing back down around him. Fortunately, Kanan seems to sense Ezra's _pain_ and _guilt_ , even in his deep sleep, for the older man moved and unconditionally started stroking Ezra's bangs, pulling him even closer to him. And the young Padawan was marveled by it.

Because even while injured, ill and delirious with a fever, Kanan was still there for him. Ezra smiled but it was distraught and never reached his eyes, but he felt comforted knowing that he had Kanan with him always.

Placing his head back on Kanan's shoulder, he fell back asleep in a matter of seconds, still clinging to his Master's hand.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Ezzy has a Space Family reunion. And also has to walk around in a hoverchair for a while because Maul broken his leg when he... tormented Ezra. *growls* you evil cockroach, I'm glad I killed you. 
> 
> And yes, what Kanan saw was a hallucination, combined with his injuries and his fever, like I said Kanan's mind has slipped, he sees things that aren't real and he will continue to have them because it's never that easy to come back from something like that. And neither will Ezra's, but at least now the healing can begin, slowly but still healing nonetheless.
> 
> Any woo, thoughts? Please leave them in a comment and I will see you all soon.


	9. Chapter 9

He woke up to the sensation of fingers running through his hair. He breathed in the gentleness of those fingers, how much care and love they took in carding between his hairline and ending at the tips. The motion was so relaxing that he refused to move for several minutes, content the way he was. It reminded him of the times his Master would pet his head or play with his Padawan braid whenever he was ill or upset about something. A lump formed in his throat, as his emotions started to get the better of him when he recalled his fallen master. Those fingers then traveled down his face and brushed a crossed his cheek.

"Kanan?"

Hera. He thought with a small smile, of course it was Hera.

"You're crying. What's wrong, love?"

_Huh?_

Kanan felt the wetness on his cheeks, felt them fall and stick to his beard, soaking it. He realized that, yes she was right. He was crying. He felt her cup his face and rubbed her thumb a crossed his skin, while the other stroked the top of his head.

"I don't know."

Lie, obviously. He knew exactly why he was feeling this way, but he didn't want to worry her more then she probably already was. There was a slight pause from the Twi'lek, then he felt Hera lean forward and press her forehead against his own. Leaning into the comforting touch, Kanan shifted to bring a hand to the back of her neck and let out another breathe.

They remained that way for a few minutes. Even when Kanan started to feel... as if something was— _off_. He felt strange, he felt different but not in a good way. The feeling set like a heavy stone in his stomach, and he didn't like it

"How long have I been out?" He asked, curiously finally breaking the comfortable silence between them.

Hera paused for the second time as she lifted her head and straight up. "You collapsed just after we arrived on Atollon, you were rushed to the UEC immediately for then unknown chemicals inside your bloodstream and have been in and out of consciousness for the past six days now, you developed a high fever and it didn't break until a couple hours ago. You woke a couple of times after that but you probably don't remember any of them?" She explained, calmly. As she wrapped her hands around his and squeezed them tightly, Kanan stayed silent as he let himself soak in that new information before he shook his head he sighed and pressured his lips together, his head starting to ache from all that's happened. No, he didn't remember waking up at all, everything after they rescued Ezra from Maul was a complete blur.

"Are you okay, dear?" The Twi'lek inquired, and the Jedi Knight heard the concern in her voice and he couldn't help but squeeze her hand back in return, to try an ease her mind, reassure her that it was nothing serious.

"Just a small headache, I'm fine."

To his surprise, Hera actually chuckled at his comment. "Kanan, you are many things. You're a great leader, a wonderful Jedi Master, a loyal friend, a dedicated and determined fighter, a compassionate and equally affectionate father figure— and you have been through many things, many horrific things in the past and because of all that plus adding the recent events with Maul, I think we both know that you haven't been 'fine' in a very long time."

Her words cut deep, they cut deep into Kanan, his headache only increased that much more. He found himself sighing once again, but this time out of exasperation instead of stress, because he was so tired, so tired of just... everything. Because Hera was right, he hasn't been 'fine' in years. "I know." He said, finally after minutes of silence, his voice hushed and small. "But I'm here aren't I?"

"You are here, yes. You're alive but not without scars. Physical and as well as mental scars. You'll pull through this, just like you always do. But that still doesn't mean your okay. It means the opposite, actually. Because what you went through, the things that were done... It was traumatic, it was deep and physical torture. You can't just pop back from this like all the other times, it doesn't work that way." Hera stated, truthfully. Kanan could hear the pleading tones behind her words, begging him to let them help him.

He patted her hand and pulled her closer to him. wrapping his arms around her and gently kissed her temple. "I'll be fine, Hera. No need to worry." He yawned, suddenly feeling very exhausted.

Hera chuckled, wryly, once more and snuggled up to his side and remained there. "Worrying is the number one thing we do in this family, love."

He let out a puff of laughter before he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

_Laughing_

_It seemed that no matter which way he went, which way he walked or ran, Kanan couldn't escape that awful laughing, that horrible, delightful laughing that was directed toward himself. Directed at at his pain and torment. He knew who it was, the monster laughing at him. Maul, Darth Maul, because who else would it be? He tried to hide, to cover his ears and will the laughter away, will the agony inflicted on his body but the sound seemed to seep through the cracks of his fingers and he heard it anyway._

_**Stop** _

_Leave me **alone**!_

_But the laughing continued regardless of his pleas for silence. Soon, Kanan felt the madness within himself begin to easily break through the cracks of his mind._

_Then as that noise dissipated, another one surfaced._

_But this one was so much worse_

_It was Ezra's voice_

_It was Ezra screaming. Loud, bloodcurdling, agonized screams that made him bolt upright from his crouched position._

_"Ezra!" He called out, frantically. Running in different directions to try and find the location of his Padawan. "Ezra!" But Ezra gave no replay back, his screams only continued to get louder and louder, Ezra cried, pleaded for help, cried for Kanan to come save him, to make the pain go away._

_He fell to his knees, pulling at his hair as tears fell down his cheeks, his chest **aching**._

_Then all at once the screams stopped and Kanan's heart ceased._

"EZRA!"

Kanan bolted up from the bed, a scream dying fast on his lips, a scream of Ezra's name. His heart was pounding in his ears and his breathes were coming out in short, hitched gasps of air. A hand fell against his chest, gently trying to lay him back down on the bed but jerked away from it, impulsively.

"Whoa! Easy, Kanan. It's me."

Hera, that's Hera's voice. He thought to himself, attempting to reassure his mind and calm his rapidly beating heart. But it wasn't working, as images from his obvious nightmare flashed within blind eyes, he cringed violently and let out a gasp when he hears Ezra's scream and it felt and sounded _real_ as if he was right there in the room. "Ezra!" He cried out, tossing the blankets off his body, Kanan moved to get up, moved to get out of this room and get to his Padawan.

That was until strong hands grasped his hands and firmly pushed him back down on the bed, he jerked, he struggled to get away but the hands refused to budge. "Easy, mate. Calm down."

He knew that voice. "Zeb?"

"Who else would it be?"

The sound of Ezra's screaming made him jump and he began his struggling again. "Ezra!"

"Kanan—?"

He cringed, his body tensing, his limps were prickled with pain and his skin was burning. "I have to get to Ezra!" He explained, his voice high and loud, sounding to near hysteria. His head hurt as it was filled with thick, heavy fog that was preventing him from thinking straight. "He's _screaming_ — Can't you hear it?"

"Buddy, hey." A different voice this time, it was Rex. "Listen to me, okay? No one is screaming. _Ezra_ isn't screaming. He's outside with Sabine and Chopper. Everything is alright, but you need to calm down so we can help you, you understand?" He let out a choked breathe, the haze in his mind beginning to dissipated as he nodded. But the sounds of Maul's laughter and Ezra's heart breaking screams wouldn't go away.

He knew what his crew— his family was trying to do.

They were trying to hear him out and not judge him just by his hysterics alone. They were listening, while also being reassuring and giving him their comfort. They were trying to be supportive. And the Jedi Knight appreciated that, he honestly and truly did because he _loved_ them all **_so much_**.

But right now, in his irrational state of mind, Kanan didn't want support, he didn't want comfort. He wanted his Padawan, he wanted his son and if Ezra was really as safe as his friends say then he needed to see it— or in this case sense it face to face. "I have to see him..." He begged, his milky-white eyes were open and they were pleading. "I _need_ to see him!" Kanan looked to Hera, whom he could sense and could feel that she was feeling such concern and sadness for him. "Please."

He felt her run her slim fingers within his hair, just like last time. "Okay—" Her voice sound thick with emotion. "I'll go...tell him your asking for him." And he could tell that her words were genuine, that she wasn't lying, that she was going to go get his Padawan. And made his heart feel a little less tight and heavy.

As Hera left, the room fell silent.

"So uh..." Zeb said awkwardly, and Kanan could feel the Lasat's hesitation. "Do you...uh... want us to go?"

Kanan's first response was to tell them no, he didn't want them all to go so soon when he only just woke up, after finally being free from being Maul's prisoner. But he stopped himself when he realized that he and Ezra have suffered greatly since their capture. Both were left with physical and mental scars. And he remembered Hera's words, and he realized that she was right once again. Their ordeal wasn't going to disappear on it's own, not when it has been this traumatic for both of them. They needed to talk about this, otherwise it would never go away. Slowly, he nodded. "That's probably best— not that I don't want you all to stay, I do. It's just Ezra and I...have some things we need to talk about, painful things that we're not ready to discuss with anyone just yet."

There was another moment of silence and immediately Kanan felt ashamed. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be—"

"Don't worry about it, bud. We understand." Rex reassured, calmly.

Zeb patted his back. "Yeah, you and the kid went through a lot the past couple weeks, of course neither of you would be able to talk about it right away, take all the time you need. We'll wait."

Kanan closed his eyes and exhaled a slow breathe, feeling more grateful to have such an understanding and loyal family. "Thank you. Thank you both... for everything." Soon, they left and Kanan was alone. A shiver ran down his spine at the realization of being alone, because he was isolated for weeks, it made him terribly lonely and caused his mind to— that same heavy, feeling was back, and he knew that something's was wrong with him, Kanan just didn't know what. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Ezra's screaming and Maul's laughter again and the images that flashed within his mind, he grimaced, his face scrunching up and he bit his lower bit as his head started pound.

 _Get out..._ He demanded, almost angrily as that strangle, heavy feeling from before came back and wouldn't go away. _Get **out** of my head— Leave me **alone**!_ He bowed his head and dug his finger nails into his scalp. Wishing that he could scratch out the images- the memories out of his head and forget them all together. But he couldn't and he knew he couldn't, what happened to him... what happened to them both— it happened, he had to accept that, they both did.

But that didn't make this any easier, that didn't make the sounds from his nightmare go away, or that his body was now beginning to burn with pain, it wasn't agonizing, but it hurt enough to be annoying, to make him cringe slightly.

From the back of his mind he heard something. Small, faint whispering that only seemed to get louder with every passing second. The voices told him things, he saw flashes of images within the darkness in his eyes. Images he didn't know which ones were real and which were fake. He saw Hera, his Master, his friends all talking to him, telling him to do things.

He shook his head, frantically. _No! No! I won't do any of that! Go away!_ He brought his knees to his chest and prayed for the whispering to stop, he wanted everything to just **_stop_**. Then among the voices, one stood out above the rest, one that made his blood freeze.

It was Maul's.

Having trouble telling reality for hallucination.

"Shut up." Kanan's voice was venomous and didn't sound like his own. "You're not real, I killed you."

_Ah, but maybe that's the problem, Master Jedi. My murder has effected you more then you know._

The Jedi Knight bit his lip, he raised his hands and covered his ears with them, forcefully pressing into them. "Stop it, you're dead. Leave me alone!" His breathe became labored as he felt Maul's voice right up against his body. He hit his head with his knuckles, wishing what he was hearing and seeing would disappear.

 _Ah, well._ Maul sighed, with a small laugh. It was filled with so much delight that it sent shivers down his body. _Within time you'll realize soon enough that no one stays gone forever._

He squeezed his eyes shut, and felt utterly helpless as he could do nothing he succumbed by his madness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taking so long to post this chapter here, but my Wifi is off and I can't use the internet cause that uses data from my phone and that's bad if I run out. I also would like to say sorry for the abrupt ending to this chapter but it was getting very very long, so I actually had to cut off the part I wrote for this chapter and that whole part will be in the next chapter.
> 
> This chapter I wanted to delve inside the broken mind that is Kanan Jarrus. His nightmares, his hallucinations. And just how much he has evidently changed since he killed Maul. Next chapter will be mostly some Kanan and Ezra discussions about what happened to them.
> 
> Make no mistake both Kanan and Ezra are equally damaged. More so mentally then physically because their physical wounds will heal with time. Their minds? Not so much, their going to need a lot of support from each other to get through this mess. But like I said it's going to get worse before it gets better and it is going to be a while before things get better.
> 
> Anywoo, a penny for your thoughts? Please leave them in a comment, they are always very much appreciated and I will see you all soon.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are folks, the final chapter *cue the final countdown music* But seriously, I would like to thank all of you who have stuck by me throughout journey, everyone of you who took the time to leave a comment, I mean just so many lovely comments of how much you enjoyed this story about our two favorite characters in Rebels. I couldn't have finished this without all you're support and confidence. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this final chapter! :)

 

The voices, by the Force they were relentless. They continued to torment him, they plagued his every thought, mercilessly tore down every wall Kanan tried to build around his mind, destroyed his emotions and left him feeling like a hollow shell of his former self, he fought against this assault as well, refusing to let them take it all away, take away what made Kanan, _Kanan_. Then abruptly, then door to the UEC opened with a _swoosh_! sound, announcing someone's revival. He jerked upward, towards the door as he sensed _fear, concern_ , as well as _sadness_ and _guilt_ coming from the only person standing inside the room besides himself. Ezra, it was _Ezra_ — it was his Padawan, his student, _his son_ and Kanan wanted to cry as the silence took over, he felt such immediate _relief_ when he felt their bond almost throbbing with life, he clung to it and he sensed Ezra do the same.

"Ezra." He murmured, his voice thick with emotions.

"Kanan." Ezra spoke out, tone filled with worry and a slight protectiveness to it. But Kanan took no interest in it, because _Force_ it was good to hear the boy's voice again. He missed him _dearly_ , as if they haven't seen the seventeen year old in decades. Without any hesitation, Kanan opened his arms, a clear invitation, an offer for the boy to run into his arms, as he have done before. But when nothing happened Kanan felt that something was— _**off**_ because usually it wouldn't take Ezra this long to return his embrace.

"Ezra?" He inquired, softly.

He heard Ezra intake a deep breathe, "Hang on, this thing has been locking up the past two days." Kanan heard the distinct sound of clanking metal, which only furthered his confusion as to what exactly was going on. "Chopper thought it would be funny to mess with my hoverchair while I was resting to "lift my spirits" or so he says." The clanking metallic sound finally smoothed out and the Jedi Knight felt someone approaching closer, all the while Kanan's mind was a storm roaring with emotions. _Hoverchair...?_ His heart ceased, it pounded in his chest rapidly. What... What _exactly_ had Maul done to his boy? He bit his lip, he **knew** what Maul did, but was it _really_ — were his injuries truly that bad... to the point where Ezra couldn't—

Kanan gagged and when he sensed that Ezra was close enough to him, he reached out with his arms and yanked the teen towards him. The hover chair banged against the bed rather loudly, but right now Kanan couldn't care less.

Ezra chuckled, which the Jedi immediately thought was odd. "Kanan..." Ezra sighed, softly patting his arm and pulled away. And Kanan felt his throat tighten, his arms twitched, utterly confused as to what has gotten into his Padawan.

"Ezra? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, this chair is just annoying me."

Kanan gave the kid a skeptical look. "C'mon, Ezra. You know I know you better then that." He paused for a few seconds before continuing. "We have to talk about this—"

"There's nothing to talk about."

The Jedi Knight pressed his lips into a think line, because he knew exactly what Ezra was doing, he was denying everything, he was refusing to discuss it. "What we went through— I know it... it _hurts_ but we have to talk about it. We have too."

Fear and anger rippled off of Ezra in waves. He could sense the fear, the hesitation on wanting to talk about their ordeal, and the anger and annoyance directed solely towards Kanan about bringing it all up made him visibly flinch. "What do you _**want**_ me from me, Kanan!?" The teen demanded, angrily.

"I want you to not bottle all this up." Kanan explained, his voice calm and gentle even though that the exact opposite of how he is really feeling. "I want you to _stop_ denying what went on while we were with Maul. What he did, whether we like it or not, it _happened_. It **_hurts_** , I understand that but neither of us can just pretend like it didn't happen. It'll only cause more problems, we have to get everything out in the open so that we can move on."

"You want me to be open!?" His Padawan declared, venomously. " _Fine!_ " The fear was fully replaced by the anger inside Ezra's heart, but Kanan didn't flinch away this time, he knew that if he could just get Ezra to grieve, honestly grieve for everything they went through and let everything out then that anger would disappear. "I'm broken, okay!? Everything that happened was my fault! I couldn't stop Maul from torturing us, what he did to you, I failed in keeping us safe. I watched you _die_ , Kanan! And you almost stay gone and I couldn't handle that... and then when I tried to free us it blew up in my face too. And... then— Maul hurt me in a way I can't even— describe..." Ezra paused and Kana could hear him take a shallow breathe.

"I feel so disgusted with myself. I look in the mirror and see my face, the cuts everywhere and it makes me want to vomit. When my leg hurts or my rear burns I'm reminded about what he did to me, every single time and it won't go away! And I _hate_ myself that much more... Do you have _**any**_ idea what that's like!?" The _anger_ was slowly fading away and now was replaced by sadness, by a brokenness Kanan was all too familiar with. And even though the Jedi Knight was getting exactly what he asked for, his heart still ached for his Padawan, it hurt to see him so shattered.

"...How I see myself now, how am I suppose to come back from that, Kanan!? How am I suppose to move on from what that kriffing Sith did to me when all I can think about is ending it all whenever I see my reflection!?" Ezra's fist slammed into the railing of the bed, his emotions finally reaching their peak but then it happened again, harder this time. "I hate him! I HATE him! He broke me— turned me into something so vial, ugly and repulsive! I hate him! I hate him so much!" Ezra banged his fist on the metal bar, relentlessly. "Is— Is that what you wanted to hear!?" The constant noise of flesh hitting metal happened so many times until Kanan smelt the scent of blood in the air and he couldn't take it anymore. He reached out and pulled the distraught boy close to his chest and held on tightly.

He sought the Force out, desperately asking for it's help... to keep his boy from breaking beyond repair. Gently, he lifted Ezra out of the hoverchair just enough to pull him up onto the bed where he wrapped his arms around his Padawan's head and back, encasing him in a protective hug, where this time he refused to let go. Running his fingers through the boy's hair, he sent him wave after wave of _love_ and _comfort_ , and _shh shh... it's okay, I'm here, I've got you, I love you_ just as he had done to get Ezra back from this pit of grief the first time. "Shh, Padawan. I'm here, Ezra." Kanan hushed him, soothingly. His heart felt like it was shattering, but he needed to stay strong for Ezra's sake.

"I'm worthless because of him!"

Kanan big his lip and tightened his hold, " _No!_ You're not worthless, you're _**not**_ ugly— you're **_not_** disgusting. You are Ezra Bridger. You are my _Padawan_ , you are my kid and _nothing_ will ever change that!" Kanan found himself crying out, quietly. Tears cascading down his face. "If anything I'm the one who's worthless, being alone all that time Maul had you made me slowly lose my mind. I saw things, things that weren't real and then at some point I lost the ability to tell what was real and was a hallucination from my mind. And after I killed Maul that feeling— that _**pit**_ in my stomach only seems to have gotten worse and it hasn't stopped."

Suddenly, he felt Ezra move and then he sensed the kid's eyes on him. "You— You killed Maul?"

Kanan nodded, simply. "Yes."

" _You_ killed Maul?" Ezra's voice sounded concerned and disbelieving.

"Yes." He repeated again.

And now it seemed that his student was more upset then he was before. "Why?" The seventeen year old suddenly asked. "I thought you said that if we killEdsomeone with that much darkness and hate inside of them then that person would never be the same."

"And I was right, I'm never going to be the same. But I don't regret it."

" _Why?_ "

"Because he hurt you, son." Kanan cupped Ezra's head and pulled him back towards his chest. "He hurt you in the worst way possible, he shattered your soul so carelessly and regretted none of it. I couldn't stand that, I snapped after that. In a rage I killed Maul for what he did, but I still don't regret my decision. Even if my mind won't be the same—" He paused a moment to press his cheek against the teen's temple. "I did it for you."

Then the wall that was holding back Ezra's main emotion's, the sadness and the grief crumbled into pieces. Abruptly, he felt Ezra circled his arms around him and started to let out these gut wrenching sobs that broke Kanan's heart. "I'm sorry! I'm so _sorry_! For all of this, it's my fault! I'm so sorry, Kanan..."

The Jedi Knight swallowed the lump in his throat, he shifted to his side squeezed the kid closer to his chest and felt fresh tears gathering in his eyes once again. "I know, I know you're sorry. But what we went through—" He swallowed the lump in his throat. "It's _not_ you're fault, okay? It's not, just like it's not my fault either. The one to blame is Maul, no one else." He whispered, softly, placing a chaste kiss on top of Ezra's short hair and rubbed circles on his Padawan's back.

A comfortable silence fell between them as they grieved and let out the emotions that shattered their minds, bodies and souls from the unfortunate events that befall them because of a certain Sith Lord. And when their tears dried and the sobbing stopped, they laid there still and simply clung to each other, content with one another's presence.

"Look at us, we're a mess." His boy muttered as he pressed his face into Kanan chest and gripped the back of his clothing.

Kanan let out a small, watery chuckle, "I can't help but agree." He stated, calmly. "But you know, there's nothing wrong with that." His voice reassuring.

"But... we're both broken. And it hurts _so_ much..."

"That's okay too. You and I need to take this one step at a time. We need to feel this pain and let it out whenever it gets to be too much to handle. Otherwise we won't get any better." He felt Ezra bury his face into his chest a little more and sniffled, quietly.

He squeezed Kanan, refusing to let go. "I don't know if I can, sometimes it's all too much for me to take."

The Jedi Knight placed another kiss on top of the teen's head and sent him more waves of _love_ and _comfort_. "I know, I understand. But will you at least try, Ezra? Try for yourself, for me, and everyone else. Because we all love you, _I_ love you. Even if you don't right now, that will _never_ change. Just try? **_Please_** , kid."

A long pause was met with his words and for a moment Kanan thought that this silence was his only answer. "Okay, I'll— I'll try." Ezra's voice was above a whisper but he heard it regardless. "Only if your right there with me?"

A smile broke Kanan's facial features, it was wide, it was genuine and finally after all this time, it was _happy_. "Of course, Ezra. I'll be here. For as long as you need me." Kanan vowed, he promised with every fiber in his being that he will now and forever be here for Ezra, and for his loved ones.

As they lay there, holding each other, Kanan felt that same stone cold feeling wash over him, it started in his stomach then traveled to his heart and then to his mind. He wasn't able to recognize it before but now for some reason he could. Darkness, it was a thick, heavy darkness. And it wasn't the constant one he was use to seeing on a daily basis, this one he felt— this one he shivered against as it encased him. It made him feel cold and he huddled closer to his Padawan, he was scared but he tried not to show it.

What Maul had done, he had done himself in a fit of rage. It was taking over, the madness the darkness. Kanan fully realized that his words were true.

He really wasn't ever going to be the same, after all.

* * *

 

Kanan was discharged from the EUC after having several tests done that confirmed the chemical that was injected into his bloodstream wasn't going to harm the rest of their allies on Atollon. As he left the EUC the Droid, MD-09, the one that treated him all this time, held him up for a moment. "Mr. Jarrus, I must inform you that while you are not a danger to the rest of our allies here at the base. I still highly recommend you take the necessary time to heal and be cautious of your limitations. As you're organs are still healing from their ordeal. I also suggest young Mr. Bridger should as well."

Kanan let out a soft sigh, slightly irritated having heard all this before but knowing that the Droid was right as his insides still pained him, he nodded his head. With Hera and Sabine hovering behind him while Zeb and Rex hovered in front —so if he were to fall on either side they could catch him, prevent him from hitting the ground— Kanan finally left the EUC after six weeks of intensive care.

The five of them slowly walked down the hallway, the Jedi Knight could feel their eyes on him, watching him. He felt their _concern_ and their _sympathy_. But Kanan stayed silent, too focused on the destination he had set in his mind. As he felt for the bond he shared with his Padawan, latching onto it and thoughtlessly let it guide him forward.

"So... Where are we going?" Sabine asked, hesitantly.

Kanan kept walking, his right hand placed on the wall while his left one raised outward. "Today's the day where Ezra's discharged too and from his hoverchair, I want to be there."

Slim fingers brushed against his shoulder blade, "Of course, Kanan." Hera stated, her voice as calm and gentle as it always is.

Kanan kept walking. He walked until he was in front of the door, where he immediately felt Ezra's apprehension from within the room. He walked inside without a moment of hesitation.

"Kanan." The sound of Ezra's voice completely relieved to see him.

"Ezra, how are you?" He asked the teenager, calmly. Kanan moved forward, keeping his hand out in front of him as he felt everyone else behind him step inside the room. Kanan could almost see in his mind's eye the little shrug of Ezra's shoulders that he always did when the boy was nervous or trying to make a situation less of a big deal then it actually was. But considering the events that lead up to this situation, what was happening was, in fact, a very big deal.

"I'm okay, Master."

Kanan smiled, he nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Zeb let out his signature loud laugh and pat Ezra on the back.

"Hey, kid."

Ezra chuckled, "Hey, Zeb." He sensed the kid's joy and it swelled within his heart and brought out another smile in him. "Hey, everyone." Air brushed past the Jedi Knight and Hera spoke next. "You feeling better today, sweetie?"

"I'm ready to get out of this chair." And Kanan couldn't help but scoff lightly in understanding at his Padawan's eagerness. As he also was rushing to get out of the EUC, out of the room he was constantly in for weeks.

"Only if the MD-23 says so, lad." Rex stated, firmly. Kanan noticed that the former Clone Veteran's tone was that of a wise grandfather, just as Hera's was of a mother.

That knowledge made his heart swell with pride and happiness.

"Mr. Bridger?" The monotone voice of MD-23 announced it's presence in the room. "Are you ready to proceed?" For the second time, Kanan felt the kid's nervousness. Wordlessly, he walked over to Ezra and placed his hand on his arm, giving him the support and courage the seventeen year old needed at this moment. A wave of _gratitude_ was sent his way and Kanan moved his hand to Ezra's shoulder and gave it soft squeeze.

"As I'll ever be."

They moved slow, MD-23 powered down the hoverchair and tested Ezra's legs to see if they were working properly, if he was feeling pressure or any pain, all the while checking over the boy's other injuries, then the Droid ordered the rest of them for privacy and to please close the white curtain. Kanan bit the inside of his cheek and turned around without a word to anyone, for he knew actually where MD-23 was going to check next, and he could hardly handle the thought. He dug his nails into his palms and clinched his teeth together.

The curtain was drawn back a few minutes later and Kanan resumed his position by his Padawan's side once again as they all waited on baited breathe for the results, "Everything seems to be healing at the proper rate, even so I have run the necessary numbers and I suggest you take caution and know your limitations, Mr. Bridger."

"He will." Kanan answered, truthfully. "We _both_ will, you have my word." Jedi training would have to be put on hold for a while. Mentally or physically. Neither of them were ready just yet.

"Very well, you may practice walking now."

When the room became silent once more, Kanan closed his eyes and listened, waited. He felt Ezra's fear and even heard his Padawan's heart beating for a few seconds before he sensed the vibrations in the floor as Ezra took a step forward.

Warning bells seemed to go off in Kanan's mind, as he heard Ezra let out a grunt of discomfort and the older Jedi immediately reached out blindly in the darkness and grasped the teens elbow to prevent him from collapsing to the ground. Kanan flinched as he felt everyone's panicked emotions slam against his mind all at once, but among the chaos he noticed the tremors that racked Ezra's frame, the boy was panting and his hands clung to Kanan's upper arms for dead life. As if the kid was afraid he was going to fall into an endless abyss and never get back out.

Kanan took a breathe, and sent calming waves to his student. _**"** Shh, it's okay, you're okay. Take a breathe and try again, there's no need to rush. Go at your own pace. **"**_ He said through their bond, soothingly as he moved his other hand and patted Ezra's back, making sure to keep it there.

Even though his breathing was still shallow and his body was still shaking, Ezra seemed to draw strength from this. _**"** Kanan... I need help. **"**_

Kanan shifted, he curled his fingers around Ezra's wrists. _**"** You have my help, Ezra. That's my job. **"**_ He confirmed as he helped the kid straighten. Together, they walked. With Kanan's assistance helped his student move a crossed the room. They did this several times, just the pair of them before Ezra felt confident in himself enough to try on his own. Reluctantly, the Jedi Knight let go but stood at a distance that if something did happen he would be right there to catch Ezra should he fall again.

By the third time Ezra made it to one side to the room and back again, MD-23 announced that he was fit to leave, but not before the droid reminded him to be cautious.

Annoyance flashed within Kanan's mind, he couldn't help but smiled, emphasizing with his Padawan, knowing what it's like to have these droid constantly execute safety, how frustrating it can be, but Kanan also knew that they were right. They both needed time to heal, and they needed to heal outside of the Chopper Base Medical bay. He placed his hand upon Ezra's shoulder and gave it a reassuring pat, "We will, MD-23." He promised honestly, only to pause in his shorts steps toward the door, a thought popped into his mind and he turned to the Droid, "Thank you for taking care and looking after my Padawan, I truly am grateful for it."

"I was created to serve our Rebel allies and nothing else. But you are welcome nonetheless, Mr. Jarrus." Kanan smiled somewhat sadly as the Droids words sunk in, he nodded his head and walked out of the Medbay, his family in tow behind him.

Hera and the rest of his family all chatted as the moves down the hallway, saying how happy everyone was that Ezra and himself have healed well enough to be discharged. They said that missions and strategies plans haven't been the same without them. The Jedi Knight exhaled a low breathe, letting his freedom wash over him. Gently, he felt something brush up against his side, he sensed Ezra's signature, sensed their connection, felt Ezra's own _contentment_ at being free and found the double meaning to it as well. A grin spread a crossed his lips, his arm wrapping around his student's shoulder instantly— happily, giving the boy a loving squeeze.

Ezra let out a chuckle, and returned the one-armed embrace, pressing his cheek against the fabric of Kanan's clothing as they both walked towards the doors, leading to their freedom.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws confetti into the air*
> 
> FINISHED! YESSsss!
> 
> Okay, I know this ending is cheesy as all get out but meh, I'm tired and my butt hurts from sitting down for so long writing this. I may add little one-shots dedicated to this story, going on into more detail about how mentally broken they both are. One with Ezra and one with Kanan. But that depends on how I'm feeling and if you guys are up to seeing more Kanan and Ezra anguish.
> 
> Once again, I would like to thank you all for sticking by me through this journey.
> 
> Anyway, a penny for your thoughts? Please, leave them in a comment, they are eternally appreciated and as always I will see you all soon.


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